When I get a 2FA sent to my phone, I imagine that I'm saving the world from a disaster. I memorise the code and type it fast. I celebrate when I get it done in just a few seconds. Then I imagine spies watched the whole thing and were impressed and need me on their spy team.
DO YOU HAVE ANY FESSES OR OPINION ABOUT SWEDEN?
Fesshole is going to Sweden and we want your fesses about the place so we can use a few of them in the show.
SUBMIT NOW
(This is a special Sweden form)
forms.gle/HyyFsUssZkcB...
I've recently become a headteacher. Consequently, had to stop stealing carrier bags from the self-scan. Terrible headlines if caught.
Bloody hell, Fesshole is going to Sweden this week. If you're in Sweden, do come.
23 Apr, 2026, Malmö Live, Sweden
malmolive.se/en/program/f...
25, Apr, 2026, STOCKHOLM | Bio Skandia, Sweden
www.eventim.se/en/event/fes...
Wife's is very proud of her compost. I'm in charge of the bins, and found a rat in the compost three years ago and haven't emotionally recovered. Since then everything goes in the general bin and I just top it up with B&Q. She's tells everyone about her compost quality
Rental house. One ham-hands housemate used to slam the fridge door so hard that it broke off its hinges. I swapped to the intact side so it opened the other way. Next inspection, landlord asked why. I said "better feng shui." Got away with it.
We had a gut doctor come and give a talk at our school. The bit that stuck with me was the necessity to fart at least half a dozen times a day. Ever since I've done my best to do a big fart on first dates. If the men get upset by that there won't be a second date.
I login to online funerals of people I don't know because I find them interesting. Always fast-forward through the singing though.
I've written to Unilever to complain that the sachet of soy sauce in a king sized pot noodle is the same size as the sachet in a regular pot noodle. Fesshole GOLD from 1st March 2021
Come to Fesshole Live in 2026! Tickets on sale for Manchester, Hull & Cambridge. Sweden Tour visits Malmö, Göteborg and Stockholm. Best of Fesshole, audience confessions, secret history & more: https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
I once worked as a Navigation Officer on a cruise liner. Prior to sailing the stability computer told us it was unsafe to sail. Chief Mate fudged some numbers, Captain agreed and hey presto, thousands of people sailed out on a dangerous ship. I quit shortly after.
The staff at Sainsburys Waterloo station take forever to come over and approve my regular train tinnie purchases. One day I surreptitiously filmed one of the staff entering their login details to the system and now I enjoy logging in and approving my own alcohol purchases.
When I tell girls I'm in a band: sexy. When they realise it's a brass band: less so apparently.
Care home worker here. Residents getting handsy is all in a day's work but I had one well-off widowed gentleman who would always ask first. Apparently I was the only one who said yes because he left everything to me and not his children who never visited.
CEO here (civil enforcement officer), basically, I hand out parking tickets. Most days a Tesla driver parks at the chargers and assumes the NCP parking charge is included in the cost of their electricity. Nope! Musks stooges get a ticket the moment I spot them.
My partner insists on having salt on almost everything. Recently I've started pretending that I've put salt on their dinner, they haven't noticed the difference. Placebo effect.
My neighbour has very loud, pornstar like sex once the pubs have shut at weekends. Our bedroom windows are 2 feet apart, so I have to hear it in full HD. I've resorted to playing Baby shark through my speaker on the window ledge to ruin the mood.
Was interested in a girl in my class but was too shy to ask her out so I found out where she lived and shopped for groceries so I could arrange "accidental" meetings. Reorganised my schedule a lot for that. I stopped because she knew nothing about Star Trek.
Fesshole works by you submitting your confessions. Contribute here: https://b3ta.com/addfess
I helped a guy in a wheelchair use a broken pedestrian crossing. He then asked me to push him to a nearby newsagents, where he asked me to pass him top shelf porn mags that he couldn't reach. I tried to do the right thing, but feel used tbh
2004. I stuck stickers in trains and buses that read "Visit (solution to challenging programming problem).com". I had been searching for a life partner who shared my interests but only got people who thought it was a Google job. All were disappointed including me. Still single.
One time, on an all inclusive holiday in Turkey, I shit myself in the pool. I apologised profusely while blaming my four year old son. He didn't know what was going on, but my girlfriend didn't speak to me for the final three days of the holiday.
When reading a book where one of the characters receives a letter, I read the letter in the voice of the Yorkshire Ripper hoaxer no matter where and when the story takes place, perfectly normal.
I'm a promiscuous gay man who meets his shags mostly online. I will never, ever have sex with someone who messages me using bad grammar.
Sometimes when my dog has been chewing on a random object, I'll give it a go myself to see if he's onto something.
I'm a 58-year-old widowed dad of two kids and a golden retriever. My kids, youngest is 8, think I might have a bowel condition. Truth is I frequently say I need the toilet just so I can sit down and have five minutes' peace. Currently sitting on the toilet writing this.
Have passed a certain age and occasionally pass out without warning. I should be more concerned about it but I'm more worried that my wife will find me on the floor with my trousers down and a video of a guy rimming his mate.
Every Friday night for the last 4 years I've secretly thrown an egg on top of my neighbour's roof. He went up to replace a tile yesterday and said the mess up their was unbelievable. There's no reason for this, I think I need help. Fesshole GOLD from 1st March 2021
Come to Fesshole Live in 2026! Tickets on sale for Manchester, Hull & Cambridge. Sweden Tour visits Malmö, Göteborg and Stockholm. Best of Fesshole, audience confessions, secret history & more: https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
I hate rinsing plates and pots to put in the dishwasher. My solution is I get the dog to lick everything clean before I put it in.
Drove 17 y/o and friends to a house party last night. Once they were all buckled up I announced "party bus, activated!" Told this morning never to speak again in a mum taxi situation. I will speak again.
In 2003 I had a 45 minute argument, including raised voices, with one of the staff at WH Smiths about some defective stationery my wife bought. It turns out she'd actually bought it at Office World. Still, no harm done and they replaced it no questions asked.