Fly-swatting season is officially on. Starting strong batting 1.000. It's been years since a swing and miss. I may get caught looking, but my contact rate is elite.

They can, but all things equal, is Tanner taking this deal to go to Cincinnati? Dodgers are paying fair market to add players to an All-Star team. Who can turn that down?

I hope they make a sequel to Nosferatu and call it Nosfera2

The Bears secret skill is that they usually radiate their energy and bring down the opponents level of play as well. This culminates in games where the Bears should have no chance being close so that the Bears can, again, break the spirits of their fans.

That was certainly one of the Chicago Bearsiest Chicago Bears games.

Sounds like a mean one, this green being.

Flawless logic 👏

It's intended to be physical, but an argument or debate is a great visual. So either/both is acceptable.

a frosty the snowman animated program from 1989 Alt: a frosty the snowman animated program from 1989, a very handsome snowman waving

I don't like the implication that this king was not hot. OG Frosty had that rizz.

a man in a suit and blue shirt is holding a plate in his hands . ALT: a man in a suit and blue shirt is holding a plate in his hands .

You must have been thrilled when "I Love You, Man" was released. #BassGuitarAwareness

How I imagine @theonion.com feels every time:

Please sir, may I have some more follows and likes? 🥺

Usually if you throw a party with underage drinking and/or drug use, those Voorhees folks get pretty riled up.

Probably just getting up to grab a beer. What's the big deal?

Just took the garbage out and it is officially "so cold all you can do is swear when you step back inside" season.

If these two are in agreement, something is fucked up.

A medieval game, obviously.

I'll eat Rudy's mom's wig.

The thing about Dude Wipes is that someone created a product, a corp. hired pros to develop the product, held meetings on marketing them, and now there are ppl whose entire workday is dedicated to them, and it’s all predicated on the idea that men take huge messy shits that require extensive cleanup

I am gonna get you better, and then I'm gonna beat you to death.

Tim Robinson making a funny face and saying “I don’t like that”

a bunch of those generic accounts that just post doctored images of space or scenic vistas have joined Bluesky and keep appearing in my Discover feed

Hello, I'm new and need to find the cool people. As such, there is one question that can help me determine who can be in my crew.

Who would a fight between a grilled cheese sandwich and a taco?