Whether it’s pictures of Barack Obama reading to a group of children with Zohran Mamdani or it’s pictures of Donald Trump with Jeffrey Epstein on an island full of sex-trafficked minors, occupants of the oval office are making some controversial choices about who they take pictures with.
it is acceptable to wipe your hands on a sleeping relative because they are your napkin
what is the source of the name pumpernickel Pumpernickel originates from 17th-century Germany (specifically Westphalia) as a derogatory term, translating roughly to "devil's fart" or "farting goblin". It combines the Low German pumpern ("to break wind") and Nickel (a form of Nicholas, denoting a demon or goblin). The name refers to the bread's difficult-to-digest nature.
we invented these incredible devices called smartphones that give us all the world's knowledge at our fingertips
I’ve been trying on the same pair of pants since 1989 (it’s the world’s biggest pair of pants & I have been free-falling down one of what I assume is one of the legs—it’s hard to tell, it’s so dark in here—for 36 years).
one roundhouse kick from Chuck, and Death collapses like a game of Jenga
Death didn't come for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris came for Death.
Cleveland rock
why did we even domesticate peeves
I'm sorry ma'am, but your son perished on Kharg Island in a valiant effort to create Wii Bowling meme videos for the White House X account. In the face of danger, he was not cringe; he was based to his last breath. Please have this commemorative Epic Fury challenge coin. Yes that's Punisher, ma'am
he'll blame Biden for starting the war
now it's charged but the Bluetooth won't pair...
Turning the clocks forward to a time when he's finally dead
baja blast bidets
To: All Staff
Subject: Marketing
We've rebranded the Murder Hornets as the Buzz Kills™️
Please note updated signage in the apiaries.
It’s actually FEWER Misérables
yeah she was!
Today the streets of DC are black with Kristi Noem's running mascara
FIFA begins fabrication of newly invented 'War Prize'
in that case, might as well jump
this joke is better than I realized
me: adele is still out there chasing pavements & setting fire to the rain & it’s making my life seem like i’m living in the non-descript, depression city in the movie se7en.
the priest giving me communion: maybe you should try not believing in god for a while.
TATTOO ARTIST: you mean "no regrets", right?
ME: *crushing a picture of the egret that killed my father in my clenched fist* no
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We are a mere flurry away from humiliating one of the two Big Space Perverts.
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If you scramble the letters of the word “responsibility” you will find both “insobriety” and “spinsterly” among the results. If you then take the time to type it out as a post, you can avoid your responsibilities for a moment longer. That’s a possibility, which is also a scramble result. Yippee.
I was today years old when I learned this
Headline from the Guardian site: "Police arresting 1,000 paedophile suspects a month across UK" The story is totally obscured by a pop-up, in almost identical font and size, that reads: "Q. What's exciting and full of puzzles?" In smaller sans serif: "A. The Puzzles tab in the Guardian app, of course."
When the pop-ups tell the real story
I shut the medicine chest and there, in the mirror behind me, stood the killer: atherosclerosis
She's trying her opposable tongue...
pill bottle labeled "for animal use only"
my dog, struggling to open her medicine, looks to me for help
me: hey hey whoa read the label pal