it’s grilling absolute cheese

I successfully set up, calibrated, cleaned, calibrated again, and received a perfect product with a brand new printer.

Anyway, I'm off to fistfight the gods.

The funniest thing about having satin sheets is how fast getting out of bed happens, willingly or unwillingly. My departure is unexpectedly expedited. I am the Sonic of starting my day at 1 pm.

So far, 2025 has felt like living inside a Hieronymus Bosch painting

One time on my way to get some currywurst, I accidentally drove past the Windows green hills background. So I accidentally found bliss on my way to procure a glizzy.

It’s 100% Gollum

Spooky szn, shifting into soup mode and all that

we are in our late thirties. never stop playing fun games with your friends

i mean, sure, we played doki doki literature club right after that because the universe evens out all things, but PARACHUTE GAMES

last night my bff and i moved all the furniture out of her kitchen, and she brought out a rainbow-colored parachute (like the one kids play with in gym class) and we PLAYED PARACHUTE GAMES. we also threw it up in the air and met in the middle and hugged and it was EVERYTHING

Thanks! It’s reversible and has attracted a butterfly in the last week. (I know it was the flowers and not the rug, but that’s where the little butterfly was chilling. Therefore, rug.)

Okay but the patio vibes are absolutely bringing it tonight

RISE, MY FELLOW COZY WARRIORS. IT IS ALMOST TIME ONCE MORE.

See, it would be so much funnier if I didn’t have an attentive partner who doesn’t take months to realize that I’ve put several cursed hand puppets into our shared online cart. And it would be so much BETTER if he didn’t purchase them, and then secretly bust them out during a funeral.

Or it’s a dog or a turtle that’s a dog and you get WAY too attached

The only truly evil video game is Balan Wonderworld

needing to go to bed but stealing glances at a comfort rewatch episode of GBBO where both Jũrgen and Giuseppe are present all like

We probably only consumed a few hundred dollars each during our visits. But picture two girls, taste-testing chocolate in a tourist trap like we were sommeliers. “Mmm yes, this one is very good, but have you tried this?” (Proceeds to unwrap even more product that we didn’t pay for and gorge upon it)

One of my friends and I went to a world-famous, unnamed chocolate store about twice a year for four years.

It wasn’t until we had been there at least half a dozen times that we realized the minis in the entrance were NOT freebies. We had just been tearing into them, like mints in a restaurant.

HOLY SHIT THAT IS AMAZING

D&D Party: "This is gonna be a tough fight. We need to come up with a plan..."

The Wizard:

My idiotic mistake aside, I’m gonna say this was its moment, and I fumbled it harder than tripping over a rug and slamming face first into an opening door. I died doing what I loved RIP bury me between the mounds

It’s a salute. As in saluting the bikini in death.

What a totally hilarious way to go. Tombstone inscription: “We buried him between these cemetery mounds”

🫡👙

was taking stock and writing labels for some clothing totes and my pen started running out of ink right when I was writing the word “bikinis”, making it look like a dying man’s hastily-scrawled cave message

Me, smashing my toe beyond measure, immediately bursting into Bright Eyes mode:

🎵 This is the worst day of my life
🎵 Just slammed my foot right in the doorway 🎵

Everything about him was full send. Hungry? Scream and chew on a wall while maintaining eye contact. Then scream AGAIN for emphasis.

My cat whisperer friend from NM (who really got along with him) is driving up today, and I can't wait to tell them that he's still nonsense, even in the astral plane.

UPDATE: I had a dream about her brother, who died a year and a day before her, last night.

He was a fucko IRL, and he was a COMPLETE fucko in the dream. It was hilarious.

If I’m elected mayor crosswalks will buff pedestrians strength so much that they’ll be able to punch cars into orbit