Try that in a big city .

You're really not narrowing that down much.

I Work Very Hard, And I Would Like To Try Cake By A Horse Hello. I am a horse. I work very hard at my job of being a horse. When humans say move the heavy thing, I move the heavy thing. When humans sit on top of me and pull on my head, I carry them where they want to go. The main food the humans give me is hay and oats. But I am thinking it would be nice to have a different food. I am thinking I would like to try cake. Yes, yes. Cake. I know all about it. When humans eat cake, it is in glad times. It is the food for a celebration, such as when a woman becomes 47. I have seen cake on the Fourth of July. When humans have a cake, they stand around it and clap hands and smile and say happy birthday at each other. Sometimes there are beautiful markings on a cake, such as balloons or a pink shape. Sometimes the top of a cake is on fire and a boy must blow on the fire with mouth wind. This is the scariest cake. I do not want this kind. But I will eat any other cake. Any cake that is not the fire cake that tries to kill the boy. Please understand: I do not get money for doing work. I do not get to go inside the house. All I am either doing my horse job or standing in my pen or eating food off the floor. I always do these things. But I have never once gotten cake and I would like it very much. I have noticed that human children get to eat cake. But I am bigger than the children. I am more helpful to the farm. Children do not move the heavy things like me or let anyone ride on them. And yet they get cake. Maybe the humans will realize this. Maybe they will say, "You know who deserves cake? That horse. That horse whose back we are always on." Every day I dream about what it will be like if I get to eat cake. Here is what will happen. First, I will walk to the cake and putt my nose at it like hrrfff to make and stomping my hooves to make sure it is not a snake. Then I will trot in a circle to show that I am a horse and I am large. After that, I will nuzzle the cake to …

The horse op-ed is an instant classic. I can't tell you how much joy this piece gives me.

It should be taught in every introductory writing class in no small part because the horse arguments are so compelling. "I have noticed that human children get to eat cake. But I am bigger than the children."

a man stands in front of a group of men and says " silence " Alt: From the movie Dune, Paul Muad Dib uses The Voice to silence a Bene Jesseret witch

Her name is a killing word

Do you know the Bishop of Norwich?

Booty shorts for my real friends shooty borts for my... sham friends.

I'm sure you didn't squander the opportunity.

I ain't scared.

They should have given him one for each character.

Search your camera roll for hell

O'Mygod Kenweprofit

No matter how enchanted the weapon, there is someone who is sick of their shit.

I just realized one of the outages at work (EU region only) was probably a war related AWS hit.

And a straw

Make a hole with a gun. Perpendicular.

Jam yesterday and jam tomorrow but never jam today.

#Medea

Share the illth.

Honk!

Ducks again?

John Wilkes Booth: "Whoa! That's pretty extreme, Bill."

Lee Harvey Oswald: "Yeah, settle down."

Your daylight is in another castle.

How is that spelt?

This is the future that liberals want.

"patricia lockwood" autocompletes on Google but "patricia lockwood rape joke" does not

Biblically accurate rapist?

a group of cartoon characters are standing in front of a christmas tree and looking surprised . ALT: a group of cartoon characters are standing in front of a christmas tree and looking surprised .

Don't actually stop, please.