I can't help thinking what a different world we'd live in if the prez microdosed every day. Or even one concert-sized dose.

Why is she screaming?

Gary Gulman gave a master class on Twitter on how to be a good comedian some years ago. Such a big heart. Enjoy the show!

No wine, no club.

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And now.

Happened to me earlier.

That was so sweet. I thought he was going to gift Joseph an education.

I happened to attend Boston University the four years the Citgo sign was off.

She's an underpaid woman robbed of her retirement.

He had a nice cameo on Better Things. RIP

Are you sure these are real?

In and wait, and wait, and wait.

My Hungarian grandfather has stopped rolling in his grave, probably.

ET&JDTD

So I'm not the only one concerned when they lost potty privileges 3 hours before re-entry.

I only wish Major Tom wasn't playing on repeat in my head.

Or nauseous.

Keep up the good work. Your interviews are a balm on my soul.

Bee juice

I'm with you. 21 degrees when I walked the dog this morning. 🤬🥶

Subjects?

Epic

Trump went from making insane genocidal threats this morning to hyping the “golden age” of Iran hours later, and he received no concessions in between. He’s an absolute basket case who needs to be removed from power before he follows through on one of his mass murder fantasies.

Only shows me 7. Thanks for the like!

[insert banger shitpost here]

Maybe I should hold off on my colonoscopy prep.

I can't see everyone who liked my pinned post for some reason.

With Republicans controlling both chambers, Democrats don’t have the steering wheel. They have a megaphone and a few procedural levers.

So what can they actually do in this reality? The one where Trump wants to wipe out an entire civilization? — oh, and call them and tell them I sent you :: 🧵 1/