Could be worse… he could’ve had 18 marbles.

Me: No, Juju, I just have to pee.

Jujube, tearing down the hall at top speed: OMG! BATHROOM! I GUARD! SO EXCITING!

Me: Juju, I need to stand up.

Jujube, on my lap: No?

Me: I have to, Juju.

Jujube, looking worried: No up.

Me: [moves Juju off my lap]

Jujube, looking stricken: What? No. Need lap.

Me: [stands up]

Jujube: OMG! UP! SO EXCITING! GO WALKIES?

I once heard a friend say that he didn't believe a woman should be President because we're too emotional. Name ONE woman who has ever gone on a shooting rampage out of anger.

Again, that’s not mental illness. I am mentally ill. I have severe depression, which requires ongoing medical treatment and careful management. Being intentionally cruel to others has nothing to do with mental illness. Trump is simply a bad person.

On my dad’s side, the kind of gefilte fish that comes in a jar with like jelly stuff around it. Proper gefilte fish is great, but that jelly is nasty.

On my mom’s side, idk, I’m told they boil canned green beans over there.

I had the flu once in college (it was the “swine flu” strain that was hitting young adults that year), and I’ve gotten a flu shot every season since then. Not an experience I wish to repeat. My cousin was hospitalized with it. I probably should have been — I was hallucinating at one point.

The pre-cum part of tomato ketchup can break a meal for me

How is that even supposed to work logistically? Do they think I’m making ramen and then splitting it with someone else? Am I supposed to somehow only make half a package? That’s just not how ramen works!

For any new pet, not just kittens. Adult cats and dogs need time to bond too. This would clear the shelters so fast!

That’s for sick pets, though. We also need parental leave for new pet parents.

Depends how you write the “M.” In the font used on Bluesky, the other lines on “W” are diagonal while on “M” they’re fully vertical, so the two letters are not the same upside down.

He’s not mentally ill, he’s evil. Mental illness doesn’t make you do this stuff.

They're just little guys. You can look at them for free and you can look at them up close if you pay for Bird Premium (binoculars or camera). They're just doing behaviors. They will never email you.

Oops. 😂

Also, the US military has famously never required any vaccines before ever. We totally didn’t vaccinate troops for smallpox in the 1700s or anything like that. This is totally a new thing that just started recently. Probably under Obama.

We are putting a society-wide "Bioweapons go here!" sign up while also telling the world that we really want to use a nuclear weapon on someone.

Manly men and all their patriarchal strength and resolve crying like toddlers at the sight of a needle.

everyone with real American manliness and a basic knowledge of military history knows that serious war efforts have never been derailed by such trifling matters as "communicable diseases"

RFK Jr. just said HHS is "cleaning up the risk pool" (i.e., people who are unhealthy) to bring down healthcare costs.

You don’t actually have to even have a bachelorette party at all if you don’t want to. Or if you do have one, you can make it whatever you want. It can literally be just you and your MOH going to Euro Disney if you want. Your wedding is about you and the person you’re marrying. Do it your way.

The only good conspiracy theory is that the McDonald's apple slices are actually potato slices soaked in Apple juice for 24 hours prior to bagging.

I will die on this hill.

It's really funny that Star Trek made the Ferengi, an entire species of loathsome misogynist capitalists that the show mocks constantly and right-wingers with those same beliefs are like "I love this era of Star Trek". It feels masochistic.

Monterey Park becomes the first city in California to ban "all data centers within city limits" Residents of the small enclave east of LA not only killed their city's proposed 250,000 square foot data center, they pushed city council to ban them altogether

The "public comments at the hearing before the vote left little doubt that Monterey Park residents overwhelmingly disdained not only the prospect of a massive, noisy, and polluting infrastructure project being erected in their backyards, but who that project would benefit, at their expense.”

When I say that, it’s usually followed by a “fun fact.” I can’t help it, I’m autistic. Fun facts just pop out of my mouth all on their own.

I know this is a joke, but

This one was actually fine but this should be Bluesky’s motto

My chihuahua mix rescue dog is both cute AND healthy. It’s not actually an either/or thing, people are just stupid.

People need to watch/read more utopian sci-fi. Like come on people, that stuff is totally possible if we work for it. We’re supposed to have a united Earth with everyone’s material needs fully met by now. Interstellar travel optional.

I can't help anyone who is so indoctrinated that they really think the world is shitty because it has to be that way. It so clearly doesn't. We're not even talking about political activity in the world. We're talking a basic foundation to be able to say, this shit's not right, it could be better.

something about being in my late 30s really has me sitting at the window watching the birds jumping in the little dishes of water i set out for them in the garden, i can’t get enough of this shit despite having no preexisting interest in the business of birds.