Don’t give him ideas.

An apartment once owned by The Killers?!

Hey Tom, call me.

I wish I had a bed of crystals to rest on. 😩

Anyway, here’s my debut country album cover.

I care so little about what Rob Schneider thinks of ANYTHING that I could pass out.

Without stating your age, post your favorite film released the year you turned 18

Jon Ossoff’s slutty little glasses are doing a lot of heavy lifting. Next step: an “accidental” shirtless moment on the campaign trail.

Once you get into a Waymo, you’re getting with everyone Waymo has ever been with.

What about dip lips?

Fresh Asian groceries at fantastic prices?

Well, well, well… we meet again.

I hate you.

He gets that a lot.

post the best picture you have ever taken of your pet (if you feel like it):

You're damned right it is.

Today on Bluesky.

If you’d filed in February, you’d already have your refund—and probably spent it on frivolities like I did.

Thar he blows, indeed.

He knows better than to like anything you post.

This didn’t come with a credit, so feel free!

There should be a new version of The Bear, but this time set in a Waffle House.

Looks nice! Best of luck depositing your first load this evening.

everyone is being really annoying today except for me, who is perfect

You know, me too. All day. I can't wait to go to bed!

You're putting your money in that old thing? It's falling apart.

I resemble that remark.