How do you convince people to bully you into wearing a goofy spandex costume and then obliterate you with pies and goop? Asking for a friend, of course.”

It’s been fourteen months since I was able to get messy and like, boy, it’s really getting to me

I think I just need more goop friends

Having the ~quarterly intrusive thought where I consider the consequences of blowing up my life and being an open pervert

Get their ass!

I should have known better lmao

Massive failure, now it's just cleanup without the fun lmao

Wrapped up a work trip and can't leave until tomorrow; decided to find out if I can thaw a frozen pie on a hotel radiator in ~two hours

Will report back!

“Fine” seems like a real understatement

This is a pretty good alternative; Seatguru was pretty outdated by the end anyway: seatmaps.com

Man I miss getting messy

It’s never going to be my thing but boy is the concept of completely avoiding the daily horrors of the modern world appealing

Wish there was an easy way to find friends to bully the shit out of you, but in a normal not-weird way

Me when I’m strapped down and the slime cannon is pointed right at me

You really get it 🤣

I’ve been staying in the wrong places on vacations

Wish I could explain to my regular friends that true friendship is tying me to a chair and playing a rigged game of Double Dare where everything is a physical challenge and I lose every single one

There’s an alternate universe version of me posting awesome goop videos all the time but I think they end up unemployed and homeless

I’m always fascinated by and, to be honest genuinely jealous, of people who have jobs where they can just post whatever they want with no professional consequences