yo mama so fat she is not a drop in the ocean. She is the entire ocean in a drop.

yo mama so UGLY she GOT SURGERY to make her UGLIER so she could fit easier in her NICHE

I fucked myself using technology.

I incepted into a dream of a dying world. Oopsie.

a warmonger, a fearmonger, and a fishmonger walk into a trap i setup to kill you as slowly as possible

bash in my head and bury me in the woods for an epic April Foole

The Unwankable Peen vs fleshlight just laying there on a friend’s bathroom countertop. looks clean too.

Dude, the dialogue tree that pops up when I talk to you is so diverse and interesting. Give me some fucking time to choose one.

you have the power to make rampant neurological issues super sexy

I relate hard to The Unlovable Fuggler

“nobody loves me”

-the unlovable fuggler

I don’t know if I have any followers that live in Utah, but I’ll be here on Saturday selling 15 different zines and giving away human teeth!

your husband is giving wife

hey kid check this out

Scooby Doo episode where they rip off Dream’s mask

Thanks for giving up your seat young man, now I can receive my lap dance.

I don’t. We are not the same. You write sentences in order.

My urine turns solid when struck or agitated. Useful? No. Chick dig it? Not really. Really fun? Sometimes, yes.

Yes, I am a shopaholic. I DRINK the PRODUCT and get WASTED.

I’m a shopaholic with a work allergy. Someone help me financially.

Had to break up with AI boyfriend because he’s been responding with “*yawns listlessly*” when I tell him about my day.

Pop culture reference + sardonic twist + weed + beer + adderall + cluster c personality disorder = a night to remember

Clavicular stopped by my house and I completely forgot how I was going to say “look who the cat dragged in” to him. I just sat there, unable to move or speak (he offered me a LemonZest LUNA bar laced with neurotoxins 🤦‍♀️).

If Clavicular ever stops by my house I’m hitting him with a “look who the cat dragged in” and “you look tired.”

dropping a sack of harvested souls at my girlfriend’s feet like a dead mouse

im harvesting your soul for chill and reasonable reasons

ironically pissing on the couch

if we make a funny enough name for trump, we can defeat fascism. drumf was sooooooo fucking close

During her testimony, Pam Bondi pulled out a slingshot and slung pebbles at the fourth wall screaming “die democrats die!” Luckily, her aim was off and the pebbles ended up outside, where they were pecked off the ground by Kash Patel, whose food pouch at the base of his neck is impacted.