I feel filled with so much fear and shame
I hate being this way

Been reading old post from my ex last year and lowkey????? She was avoidant final boss?? Like I was struggling in so many ways and she legit would complain about me needing her

Gonna try and see how long i can fast-- havent done it in awhile but im aiming for 12 hrs min

I find this place to be comforting when I feel guilt shame or humiliation-- im convinced food is poison and the only reason to est is to stay alive-- but idk if I even want that anymore
Why cant I just feel
Why can I just love like normal people do
What is it about love that is so hard

Im been maintaining 130-135 for months now and people will say that im small and etc but its so hard to believe I gen feel like I was most confident at 115 it was so satisfying

Like not an excuse but the last year I was switching meds every month and I had a lot of personality changes and missing memories and I explained that and truly I was sorry and wanted to do what I could but he was so dismissive and clearly just wanted to be mad at me ToT

About stuff-- plus he just seemed to have a searing resentment for me and when he called me to talk about it he said I needed to say more than sorry and I was like okay what do you need and he was like idk

Tbf I dont remember all the stuff I told her bc I just tell ppl about personal things bc it doesnt bother me and I didnt know he didnt want me to talk about it -- and when I was dating this girl I also didnt tell him bc he kept holding secret grudges and hiding things so I didnt feel safe talking

Tyyyy-- I was trying to do a lil chibi style hehe

Yoooo what is THAT

Ate a pint and a half of ice cream the past 2 days ToT

Dan and phile calender has been ordered im waiting by the door til it arrives

I also hate ketchup ToT but I could add it to salad dressing or something thats a good idea

Gummies might work -- ive tried mixing it and I legit cant handle the smell ToT

Youre the sweetest ever🥺🥰🥰🥰

Bless i eill try all this but I hate apple cider vinegar I cannot handle it-- it try to drink 2/3 water bottles a day

Can anyone give me some more tips on losing weight that isn't fasting bc I cant stay functional if I fast more than a day anymore-- im trying low cal high protien and fiber-- but I havent been consistent
Im gonna try and lower sugar intake any other tips for yall?

I hope everyone's having a lovely evening-- i cannot get myself to clean for shit tbh my room is so messy

Ty 🥺🥺🥺I def dont feel tiny ur so kind

I miss ho2 it felt to be on edtwt last year-- I felt like I had goals and a schedule and I stuck to it once I recovered I felt so out of control and still do idk how to fix it

Cw is 134-- Thanksgiving is always hard bc if I dont eat people get worried-- I am alos so tired and in pain so much no a days its harder to fast for long periods of time and function-- here's me on Thanksgiving I feel like i looked nice but I hate how big I look still

PHAN IS REAL

Would anyone wanna send me money jist bc im so fun and cute

I mean when will I ever get a break-- talking about sm trauma in therapy has made life outside sm harder I feel like idk how to be normal I cant mske friends I feel like a loser

Im losing it

7k steps 600 cals and its my bday today-- anyone wanna send me gifts so I can stop being sad

Everyone has their coping skills mine are diet dr pepper starving + sh and a bit of yoga

I just want someone to love me so much it hurts atp

Why cant i just find anyone to love me bro

God im hurting so mcuh I wanan starve myself until Saturday send me motivation nothing mean