Love you

It’s intoxicating to feel like you’ve lucked out. Like you’re on a streak or a run or on top, but it feels unsustainable. Read something today that went like: understanding a fortunate situation is a practice in constant gratitude. Viewing it like a precious gift every time is how to sustain it.

It’s so difficult to feel comfortable in shame. Trying to make it easier

Honesty is kind of addicting it feels so good

Just being silly and goofing around, no one cares or puts too much thought into anything. Really being present in a way.

Haven’t felt this kind of fun in a good while, comfy memories

One thing I do miss about the old office was the view of the sunsets over the horizon. It was incredibly beautiful at times

Bad habit of saying the current thing at hand is the “best ever”, so easily replacing the previous contender

NOTHING MATTERS GO FUCK MYSELF, I ALREAAAAADY DID

It’s too early for fireworks HEY chill!

Failure is just a mistake but fumbling is knowing what not to do, and still letting it happen. It’s insanity!

And although she can’t hear too well, she still greets us with a big kiss and as wide of a tail wag as her little stub can manage. She’s a grandma now, but still our baby too.

She was shaking and crying and so small. She would cry until she got too tired and peacefully fall asleep. But she’s bigger and older now, very spoiled, snores constantly, and doesn’t need to be held anymore. She’s getting grayer and weaker, and she doesn’t walk as well.

Visited our dog’s pre-adoption hometown today. Had bbq, shared some pork ribs and brisket. Walked past where they found her and her sister, but she didn’t seem to mind. It was all exciting and novel anyways. I wondered if she remembered how scared she was as a baby when we first brought her back.

WHY DO I ALWAYS OVERPACK FML 😭

I DO EVERYTHING IN THIS HOUSE!

I know there is so much more to come, so many more experiences and life events to go through, but I’d like to think I can recognize something significant.

I am typically quite forgetful, but I sincerely hope I’ll be able to treat this year’s memories, changes, lessons, conversations, emotions, accomplishments, pains, joys, and revelations in such reverence that I’ll remember it all.

It’s a bit late, but in the spirit of holiday appreciation and gratefulness, I am incredibly thankful for this year. What a year it’s been. It really felt like that old quote that went like “there are periods where nothing seems to happen, then there are times when it all happens at once”

Music really does make you feel better

Is it a sign of immaturity that it takes sickness or death to have a wake up call. That magnitude of suffering was really needed for a new perspective????

Don’t get used to it. Savor and appreciate it often so it’s fresh and cherished.

On one hand, it’s less stress and more natural, but I give up effectiveness, resiliency, and in a really weird way the ability/or capacity to be present in thought/awareness. But I think I like the intentional version of me better. Perhaps some experimenting is needed.

I think back on this and it does seem that a lot of this, and perhaps most things like this situation that end up in a suboptimal place for me are due to lack of intentionality. Instead it’s like life just flows and happens, rather than being direct, focused, and purposefully done.

Benefit of being the last one in the office is being able to yell as loud as you can. Solved a tough ass project after like a month straight of work, yelled loud as FUCK. 📢📢📢