My favorite morning ritual is when I sneeze and blow my nose for 20 minutes straight. I find it really centers me and gets me ready for the day ahead.

Practicing Rosie O’Donnell’s smile in the mirror

I had a dream Lauren Boebert went missing and the internet canceled me for calling her Lauren Gogurt

stfu

JF stands for jester flop

Accidentally said shimilayan herpa

But still it was fun

Drive in movie theaters are an insane thing for us to have invented

Let’s please PLEASE not lose sight of the fact that he had an ugly weird shaped head

Still thinking about Hannah’s Bar N’ Grill Indian Cuisine

John Cena has a huuuuge mouth I can’t stop staring at it

This is basically just for @poochied.bsky.social and @nakamus.bsky.social but Clay asked me to go to the store for one thing and one thing only

@poochied.bsky.social ??? (Also idk if U.K. will show up if you have ** muted)

Watching the news

I went to a Cracker Barrel in Sacramento and sat next to the most dad looking guy you could possibly imagine. I’m talking 50-55, baseball cap, sports team hoodie, and new balances. But he had on long, red, manicured fingernails.

I love Aldi less than tig but more than Clay

What vitamin am I deficient in if I’m craving just a straight up bowl of rice?

I should call him

On USA Today’s crossword the answer to 69 across is weed

I can’t believe I’m not at the state fair right now

Trying to sleep but my brain is forcing me to write a parody song to Lose Yourself but instead of rap battling it’s about the pressures of having tig notaro’s twitter handle for 24 hours.

@andykindler.bsky.social is this thing on?

What the hell is “hard water”

Clay and I have been cohabitating for a while now but today it finally hit me that I live with a man.

Someone in the waiting room sounds like Steve-o

Holy shit

A dweeb ass dork with chicken leg arms holding a basketball and also there’s a truck stop logo?

lol

Wish I had paid attention to the post-season earlier so I had more time to hate him.

His name is CHET??? Lanky goofy fuck.

New girl at work who I’m unsure of is drinking a can of pepsi at 6am. Not enough to make a judgment call but it is being factored into the equation.