Another great one from a few seconds later:

I will miss the Smiling Friends.

Wishing a happy Brian’s Hat Day to all who celebrate.

I am convinced people do not know the plot of the movie black panther.

You've posted a very droll fictional scenario. Please select a response:
• A fact about the joke you told, the existence of which forms the premise of it.
• Correction of errors I spotted in your imagination.

CDC delays publishing report showing covid vaccine benefits The acting CDC director cited concerns with the methodology, but the design has long been used to test vaccine effectiveness.

Exclusive: The acting director of the CDC has delayed publication of a report showing the covid-19 vaccine cut the likelihood of ER visits and hospitalizations for healthy adults last winter by about half, according to two scientists.

IMPORTANT ARTEMIS II HOT SAUCE UPDATE

Thanks to Carlie Kollath Wells’ reporting out of Axios New Orleans (which I confirmed via email since there are two versions of the article out) ….

WE HAVE OUR LIST.

It’s these 4 pictured, plus Heinz Hot Taco Sauce!

www.axios.com/local/new-or...

Analysis Finds That Google's AI Overviews Are Providing Misinformation at a Scale Possibly Unprecedented in the History of Human Civilization A new analysis commissioned by The New York Times suggests that Google's AI Overviews are wrong an astonishing percentage of the time.

This is catastrophic.

Always and forever for me

Weiss’ Ratings Wipeout Six months into Bari Weiss’ overhaul of CBS News, new ratings data obtained by Status shows its flagship programs are shedding viewers at an alarming rate, collapsing to historic lows and accelerating...

Six months into Bari Weiss’ overhaul of CBS News, new ratings data obtained by Status shows its flagship programs are shedding viewers at an alarming rate, collapsing to historic lows and accelerating the network’s decline.

Details in @status.news: www.status.news/p/cbs-news-r...

They’re lecturing a community of Twitter expats about “this site’s business model makes no sense and only scolds and weirdos are on it.” No shit. Buddy, we are internet pigeons and this is a nest built out of cigarette butts and takeout flyers.

Democrats move to censure GOP Reps. Randy Fine and Andy Ogles for anti-Muslim posts Democratic leadership is working with rank-and-file lawmakers on a censure against Fine, sources told Axios.

NEW: Censure efforts percolating for both Randy Fine and Andy Ogles over their posts about Muslims.

Shri Thanedar introduced an Ogles censure that would kick him off Homeland.

Dem leadership coordinating w/ members on a Fine censure, I'm told.

@axios.com www.axios.com/2026/03/13/c...

An open letter to Grammarly and other plagiarists, thieves and slop merchants To everyone at Grammarly, I am writing a book right now, a really challenging endeavor that no doubt someone in Silicon Valley will think it’s fine to steal the day it’s published. I’ve been a profes...

I finally lost my shit about so-called AIs, LLMs, enshittification & everything fucking evil that @officialgrammarly.bsky.social is doing. I'm fucking furious, and not just about what 1 company has done. An open letter to Grammarly & the rest of the LLM hype machine www.moryan.com/an-open-lett...

me: hello i would like to look at the website please
website: whoa there pardner! what’s your hurry! you still have to accept cookies!
me: ok. can i look now
website: you don’t want 10% off your first purchase?!
me: do i have to or
website: TOO SLOW! the page is reloading! due to your failures!

At Largest ICE Detention Camp, Staff Bet on Detainee Suicides, AP Reports Camp East Montana has received several 911 calls in the span of five months about immigrants trying to harm themselves.

Staff at the nation’s largest Immigration and Customs Enforcement detention facility have placed bets on which detainee will be the next to die by suicide, according to new reporting from the Associated Press based on 911 calls and detainee accounts.

Staggering jump in average diesel prices over the last 168 hours:
Texas ⬆️98c/gal
New Mexico ⬆️91c/gal
North Carolina ⬆️89c/gal
Arizona ⬆️89c/gal
Tennessee ⬆️87c/gal
Mississippi ⬆️87c/gal
Georgia ⬆️85c/gal
West Virginia ⬆️82c/gal
Florida ⬆️80c/gal
Louisiana ⬆️80c/gal

I understand people getting upset with NBC News for writing about this shit, but also maybe get outside your bubble a bit. In America's diners and taverns, on the bus and in the office, online and off, everyone is clamoring to "enter the Tillyverse" and build artificial acting careers there.

Justice Department withheld and removed some Epstein files related to Trump An NPR investigation finds the public database of Epstein files is missing dozens of pages related to sexual abuse accusations against President Trump.

An NPR investigation finds the public database of Epstein files is missing dozens of pages related to sexual abuse accusations against President Trump. n.pr/4qTItsU

A photo of an ice cream machine with a sign reading, "Anything is possible with ice cream." Beneath that is a hand lettered sign reading, "No ice cream".

2026 basically

To my former Washington Post friends who have been recently laid off: Axios has a number of open editorial positions. Check them out and let me know if you have any questions.

job-boards.greenhouse.io/axios

NEW: Hundreds of judges around the country have ruled more than 4,400 times since October that President Donald Trump’s administration is detaining immigrants unlawfully, a Reuters review of court records found.

The government keeps doing it nonetheless.

www.reuters.com/legal/govern...

Someday after humanity is extinct, millions of years from now, this statue will be the only surviving proof of our existence. The alien archaeologists that discover it will name our species “the exalted ones” for creating something so beautiful

The Woman Alex Pretti Was Killed Trying to Defend Is an EMT. Federal Agents Stopped Her From Giving First Aid. One of the women Alex Pretti was killed trying to defend is an EMT. Federal agents stopped her from giving him first aid.

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: “I was literally begging the agent who was holding me back to let me do CPR,” she told The Intercept.

Outlook for the new year ...

A brown and white dog in a Christmas sweater sleeps curled up in a dog bed next to a stuffed train toy.

Resting up after a hard day’s work:

I’d also like to recommend a professional gift unwrapper.

Don’t know where we’d be without Crouton:

One panel comic with one person saying to another: Philip K Dick, Ray Bradbury. Like so many others in tech, I draw inspiration from completely misunderstanding those authors

via The New Yorker, Ellis Rosen cartoon

Another thing reporters are aware of isn't just conflict of interest but also *appearance* of a conflict of interest. Many expected her to act this way.

So even if she didn't act this way purposefully, she gave her detractors enough to believe she was doing the exact thing they expected her to do.

After Trump Officials Cut Food Aid to Kenya, Children Starved to Death “Brutal and traumatizing”: Interviews and a trove of internal documents show government officials and aid workers desperately tried to warn Trump advisers about impending disaster and death.

NEW: Without USAID funding to help buy food for refugees, the World Food Program rushed to prioritize families based on need, determining that only half the population would get food.

Refugees learned which half they were in from a number stamped on the back of their ration card.