Okay. We are into #NYE. I need to know the very best film to play and when to play it for the best moment at midnight #PressPlayForMidnight

Only the smartest people will get this joke.

Mission Impossible: The prolapse

There a few songs from my childhood that always remind me of my dad.

After he passed they would always make me cry.

I just randomly heard one and all it did was make me remember him and it filled me with such joy!

This is going to go one of two ways…

Happy "Won't be able to sleep properly because you've spent all Summer going to bed whenever you like so your first day back in school will be exhausting" day to all those teachers celebrating.

My husband just said, whilst wearing AirPods, that he thinks he needs 'ear cancelling noisephones'. 🤔

Today I genuinely thought it was Thursday for most of the afternoon and completely forgot there will be a half term break between the Easter holiday and the summer holiday, just in case you were wondering how work is going. 🤪

The genius of the movie #DropDeadGorgeous is that you can 100% believe that crazy bullshit like dancing with a stuffed Jesus on the cross in a small town talent show regularly happens in America.

The last few weeks at work have felt a little like this:

With two weeks until the pageant, I was practising my talent, finishing my costume, brushing up on current events, and running 18 miles a day in about 400 calories. I was ready

As a society we've let 'Hey Jude', by The Beatles, dominate the end of important events for far too long.

Despite the reviews, I enjoyed #StarTrekSection31. Hope we get more streaming movies in the Star Trek universe.

It’s January 4th 🤪

Here's my #StarTrek inspired #Christmas cracker joke:

What do you get when you cross a budgie with a Klingon?

Canary Wharf!

Although the least believable thing about this is snow in London on Christmas Day.

Having tuned in to the last 30 seconds of #Eastenders, given that I never watch it, it seems like Iain has teamed up with his mother (back from the dead) to throw out his wife (also back from the dead) on Christmas Day. I didn't think I was that drunk.

Let me tell you why #TheMuppetChristmasCarol is the best adaptation of Dickens' novel.

1) Michael Caine plays it completely straight, not once does he act like he's opposite a muppet.

2) It lifts big sections of dialogue straight from the book.

3) Gonzo as Dickens is genius.

A drag queen won Christmas #Strictly. There was a full throated 'Fuck you!' to the Tories and #Partygate in Christmas #DoctorWho. This makes up for Gavin & Stacey and Mrs Browns Boys on the same night.

Sharron Davies must be choking on her Baileys #StrictlyChristmasSpecial #Strictly

Well the Belgian chocolate #Baileys is a win. Still got a bottle of original and a bottle of mint choc chip to go!

My hot take, which is probably unpopular: By all means carry on with #DoctorWho colourisations, but don't edit the stories to 90 minutes. That story felt very rushed in places #DoctorWhoTheWarGames

Christmas jumper day at work #GoBigOrGoHome

The primary school next to where I work really goes all out for #Christmas. Three wise men, each with THEIR OWN CAMEL!!!

a man in a star trek uniform is clapping his hands and smiling ALT: a man in a star trek uniform is clapping his hands and smiling

What can I say about hat episode of #StarTrekLowerDecks? Well.... I....

Remember when AJ Odudu got fired from C5 Big Brother after one series for being completely shit? Pepperidge Farm remembers #BBUK

I thought last year's Big Brother ended up messy between the housemates. Forget twitter feuds, none of this year's are going to be talking to each other by the end of the wrap party. #BBUK

I see late and live is making the final all about the celeb house guests for a second year and not about the actual winner. Fucksake. #BBUK

This late and live is brutal and I AM HERE FOR IT. MAKES THOSE BITCHES SQUIRM! #BBUK

Hey, Big Brother housemates. If you're sitting there with a face like a slapped arse while the overwhelming public winner is getting interviewed, maybe you were the cunts all along? #BBUK

Khaled and Marcello absolutely fucking fuming. You love to see it. #BBUK

This makes up for Trump #BBUK