I'll never understand why they put the paper towel dispenser near the door in public men's rooms. Do you know how hard it is to waddle over there from the urinal to wipe with your pants around your ankles?

[After watching a video called "Brazilian Carjackers Getting Stomped Out 7hr Compilation (GRAPHIC)" on LiveLeaks] Justice can only be achieved through community policing, which fosters a sense of accountability in place of an adversarial relationship with a formal police force

Well shit, guess I may be moving on to another phase of my life if Twitter becomes paid lol I'm not going back to scratching and clawing just to get 5 likes on a post

Are you gonna cry?

I trimmed by beard, please clap

You get to your first day of Underwater Basketweaving 101 and this guy is the TA. You're armed only with 3 mechanical pencils (2 that work), a half-full cup of lukewarm coffee, and a fully loaded 9mm Smith & Wesson M&P Shield. Wyd?

It's the same premise as scammers designing their scams to be obvious to everyone except the people naive enough to buy it

Talking very loudly about how much I love eating pussy in case there are any girls listening who value enthusiasm over technique

ahahahaha what's up everyone, how have yall been?

I guess my brand is "able to be objective" then!

First attempt at crock pot pulled pork was a qualified success! I have some work to do on the actual cook, but it wasn't dried out and the rub was perfect with just the right amount of underlying heat

Last weekend I told my wife that Jet was British but it turns out they're Australian

I've found it helps to have a good personality, maybe you should dig into the numbers on that one?

A story in 3 parts:

She's glowing (under blacklights) 😍

Fell asleep listening to The Weeknd and when I woke up my waifu body pillow was pregnant

FYI, the greatest short story you probably haven't read is only ~1,200 words and available for free online legacy.npr.org/programs/dea...

Mfw she won't let me officially own her with a legal document

[Hot babe hearing me piss loud as fuck] It sounds so big....😳

It was nice, played TOTK and ate at this new-ish soul food place!

Gm!

Not a jury on the planet that would convict this guy, he's Too Cool

Hey Ness, how goes it!

Gm cool cats

Just getting it into my media tab, possibly the first candid pic of me in years where I'm not making the weirdest face of all time lol

Oh shit, there's a media tab now?