“do you have any glasses that scream I have never known the touch of an alive human woman”

as a matter of fact

so mesmerizing!

the most hot dogs I’ve eaten in a single sitting is 4. which still feels like a lot of hot dogs.

have you ever watched one of those contests? it’s wild! they dunk them in water to soggy ‘em up. 🥴

the only thing worse than winning a hot dog eating contest is losing a hot dog eating contest. imagine eating 87 hot dogs for nothing.

There's a war on for your mind.

theonion.info

VOICEOVER: are you tired of

ME: absolutely

thank you, wife

Salute to an all-time tweet

Everything costs one hundred dollars Everything costs one hundred dollars Everything costs one hundred dollars Buying three sandwiches, that’s a bill

”the economy’s great! No inflation at all!’

katie miller: [closing the drapes so the sun doesn’t sizzle the skin of her conservative husband who looks like he’s been summoned by the necronomicon] liberal men are so unattractive.

“our son was run over by our car” okay so transformers are real and this is how i find out??

I’m over it. 😤

“we don’t owe anyone anyth-“

[STAMP]

I’m done saying “WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY!!!!” ten thousand times a day. I’m getting a big rubber stamp that says it and I’m just going to stamp that shit on every forehead I see. twice on the big ones.

the roadmap to technological fascism is both terrifying and deeply insufferable

our wannabe overlords are evil, and dangerous, and also total dweebs

we’ve tried nothing and we’re out of ideas. time to find a new continent!

We all celebrate the hero who went to a Nazi rally in 1936 with a napkin in his pocket that said “I’m not totally on board with some of this.”

have the bros tried being normal with women

Pope: [moral critique of illegal war]

President: I am Jesus. Thr pope is gay

Media: they are feuding😳

CTV NEWS Business | News Gordie Howe bridge opening date being 'quietly' negotiated to avoid angering Trump: source

see? good things CAN happen under trump! as long as someone is distracting him by jingling a set of keys and he has no idea they’re happening

you simply do not have to take the phrase “AI revolution” seriously

Proud to be one of those authors.

Scene from Brooklyn 99 with a few minor edits. Boyle: you’ve told us AI is for losers many times Holt: and you’ll hear it again!

“You gotta learn AI or get left behind!” is a bit galling given that the entire purpose of AI seems to be to steal our work and fuck our brains and shit up the planet, which is to say, its GOAL is to leave us all behind. That, in order to make its owners rich.

I’m not proud of it but if Forrest Gump started talking to me on a bench I’d have left

trump: what are we going to feed the troops?

rfk jr: [flattening a roadkill penis with a rolling pin] I have some ideas

i simply find it a little hard to believe that shortly after every website implemented ai code and fired a bunch of engineers they all started breaking constantly every single day but its not related to the ai code or the skeleton crew