“You know April 20 was actually Hitler’s birthday, which is why the Columbine shooters chose that date.” — How to Get Kicked out of the Blunt Rotation.

VERY COOL PERSON: It's four-twenty, you know what that means?

ME: Hell yeah! [starts shoving blackbirds into a pie]

Very glad I didn’t tag PFT in this skeet from December.

If you take the mask off a monster truck you'll see that it's just a regular old truck that wanted to take over an amusement park.

MADNESS!

Watching an episode of High Potential and two characters just pronounced the work “consortium” as “con-SORT-ee-um” … it’s supposed to be “con-SORCH-um, right? Do some people pronounce it with four syllables? Really?

You’re a Good Man, John Goodman

It’s just now occurring to me that it’s kind of interesting that Matt Murdock’s best friend is named Foggy, considering that fog is something that a blind person could have little to no experience of.

Very minor spoiler for Daredevil:

Interesting to learn that Franklin Nelson already had the moderately insulting nickname “Foggy” as a youth, but apparently some people in his neighborhood didn’t think that was insulting enough so they called him “Foggy the Fembot.”

So this Darth Maul show is pretty good. I didn’t watch much Clone Wars so this cunning, sophisticated, intellectual strategist seems very different, to me, from the animalistic kill-monger I saw in Phantom Menace. Has the transition been organic or this a “no he just SEEMED like that in EP1!” thing?

Connections was feeling a little randy on Thursday.

I guess I always assumed it was every guy, not necessarily just the unattached ones. I mean… I assume it’s still hyperbole…

Sir, you’re an inspiration… In the sense that your joke inspired me to make this dumb joke.

Quick impression. Admiral Ackbar playing the troll in The Three Billy Goats Gruff when he hears a goat crossing his bridge:

“IT’S A TRIP-TRAP!”

Does the USA look like a bitch? Then why are you fucking it like a bitch, Pete?

In 10 years, when Generations Z and Alpha are talking about how much they love THEIR Star Wars — episodes VII through IX — and the Millennials who will ardently defend the prequels, but hate anything since the Disney purchase are throwing hissy fits, we Gen-Xers will just lean back and smile.

(and Bette Davis and Bing Crosby and Abbott and Costello and Shemp Howard and Spencer Tracy and Olivia de Havilland and …)

Oh look. Google got worse again.

The big question: would this work for Kermit?

The answer… maybe? Sorta? It’s like 50/50 cute and evil.

Mork calling Orbán!

Mork calling Orbán!

Fuck you, Orbán!

Nanu nanu, Hungary! Well done!

How white men look in suits:

Ages 0-12: adorable
Ages 13-17: ridiculous
Ages 18-25: like giant assholes
Ages 26-74: fine
Ages 75+: adorable again

Watching the 1994 Little Women. It was the last live-action movie appearance of Mary Wickes, whose first movie was The Man Who Came to Dinner in 1942.

That means she’s the one degree of separation between Kirsten Dunst and Jimmy Durante.

Do it, Rock and Feller!

Sometimes after I grill burgers, there’s a lingering patty odor on my patio door.

I think this pun works maybe 48%?

You know those 1950s science fiction stories where astronauts come back from a space voyage to find that the entire Earth has been destroyed in a nuclear war?

I suppose there’s no rule that says you have to put the houses and hotels on the color strips in Monopoly, but I feel like if you put them anywhere else on the property, you’d be a psychopath.

While we were dyeing eggs this year, my math-loving child wanted to write the quadratic formula on one.

ME: Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve had to use the quadratic formula. How do you use it again?

KID: (Starts explaining it to me, gets frustrated) Look — it’s all on the egg.

You do hear weird stories about the craft service table on that show.

As I get more interested in bargain shopping in my late middle age I find myself in more stores where the Muzak is heavy on songs I mostly know from comedians and comedy writers slightly older than me making fun of them.

Like, before this morning, I had never actually heard “Forever in Bluejeans.”