there are So many people who've told me i'm "intimidating" or "unapproachable" but like. am i really though. i know why some people think this way :| but i promise i am not that "scary." i'm a person too.

don't get me wrong though, i'll probably try reaching out to people anyways. it just has me thinking. when was the last time someone approached me first for friendship? without any ulterior motives?

i'd be more active over here but until they make it so we can have actual privs i wont post as much

anyways all that to say i don't feel like i belong in the community whatsoever. which sucks but w.e i guess

man yearn for ppl who want to be their friend because THEY want to be. who talk to me bc THEY'RE interested in it. not because they actually want my help w something or whatever. not because they're bored and have no one else to talk to

and it sucks because i do genuinely want to be friends with some people, but i also don't want to be the only one putting in the effort into becoming friends??

bc you'd. put in the effort for a friend. personally i do. if ur not interested in being my friend to Be My Friend or talking w me in general i rather it just said straight up so i can stop embarrassing myself trying to hold conversations with someone who dgaf

or am i just someone they go to message, if they even do at all (most of the time they don't lmfao), when they have nobody else to talk with? when it's convenient for them? when they have a question about modding? when they want my help with something?

and the fact is, there ARE a Lot of people i haven't spoken to in months because i stopped texting first. boy do i know how hard it can be starting convos. but i've rly been thinking, do these people Actually see me as a friend???

it's crazy how many ppl i'd never hear from if i didn't text first. i've been getting reaaally tired of Always Being The One To Start Conversations and almost every single time i do start them, i carry them like crazy. it rarely feels like the other person is interested aswell in talking

does that "never trust how you feel about your life after 9pm" thing still apply when you pull an all nighter and its now 9am because i'm Thinking

yawned infront of my cat and he yawned back im gonna be sickkkk thats my baby

nothing feels quite as bad as watching this happen over and over again.

if i see a person shift their interests from him as a character to "how many positions can he be fucked in" i will have to stop any writing we do. when it's to the point where this is the only thing discussed that gets more than a dry ass response i'm not continuing it any further.

as i said, i like smut. this is no secret. a handful of my ocs get around, most don't. mesonyx is one of the few ocs i have who associate intimacy of any kind, esp sexual with negativity and very bad feelings bc of the nature of his trauma.

and don't get me wrong! smut is great and i love that shit. big fan of it. but you can easily tell when that's the only thing a person cares about.
there's nothing wrong with only wanting that in general either however comma you NEED to communicate this with your rp partners.

i don't understand how some people will see all the intricate lore i've cooked up over the years and how deeply his trauma effects him and be like "thats so cool wow anyways wouldn't it be cooler if our characters had sex and that was the only thing we talked about" oh my Fucking God

i'm pr sure i've said it on main but it genuinely takes fucking foreverrrr to even get to the point where romancing can happen. he is not an easy character to get along with. 75% of his life was taken away (by his abuser) and he Just got away from them + wants to get his revenge

mfs really be like "i love slow burn!" n proceed to think they'll be all lovey-dovey in a damn month. bitch shut up! that is NOT slowburn 💀 you cannot look me dead in the eyes and try claiming that it is.

it's crazy to me how many people have tried becoming my friend bc they wanted a chance to fuck mesonyx. which is also insane to me bc ppl will simply ignore the fact theres literally no way to romance him and get him in bed in a few months

removed "roleplayer" from my mains bio bc. quite honestly i'm picky as hell. pass my vibe checks and answer my riddles three, then you're allowed to interact w my ocs. i also want ppl to be friends with me first and then that stuff opens up if they're also interested.

it's crazy to me i got this @ like damn nobody used it for yrs???? mine now thanks 😋

had to make this my first post

i miss my wife