Insane you think you're worthy of the status of being called a man.

Mind you, I don't even know his last name. It's never come up.

The guy I've been seeing casually mentioned that he thinks I've convinced him that a cruise would be fun and while I don't believe in vacationing with men, I do want an excuse to go on another cruise.

How grateful I am to live in the time of Jamie Ding.

Happy 420. I’m spending it at a car dealership with my sister who forgot the lease was up on her car.

Back on my “should I get a boob job?” bullshit just because I saw one singular TikTok about it.

Say less, lfg

I was unaware Wrestlemania was two nights and now I feel like I missed something important in my wrestling journey.

Truly one of the reasons why I don’t drink much anymore to is because I hate how badly it fucks with my Sunday. Like shit, I wasted this whole goddamn day intermittently napping and doomscrolling all because I thought I should have a dozen beers yesterday?

There’s a special kind of transcendence when you and your Lyft driver come together to form the most unstoppable form of road rage against the other citizens of the roads.

It’s Wrestlemania tonight so you know what I’m listening while getting ready before I hit the streets.

Sorry, but when did Tony Evers become a fashion icon?

Careful what you wish for. I’ll establish 5 different shake of the days and open an unlicensed pub serving your neighbors.

Will be dedicating this summer to drinking at all businesses effect by the storms this last week. I will drink this city back to prosperity.

Dear God, you’re about to become this generation’s Baby Jessica

Great now I also have a fear of falling into your septic tank.

Damn, I love jam bands.

I have no clue bc she was one of 3 and her mom was barely holding it together. But I do remember laughing at her when she said that bc I thought she was joking. I think that was the last time we ever talked haha

I desperately want to know how the girl I was friends with in high school, who told me her only aspirant in life was to have 8 Catholic kids and who had a Donald Trump themed wedding last year, is feeling these days. Like, who’s side we takin’ babe?

Anyways, I'm fine, I'm just so remarkably sad.

Posting on reddit asking for recs for what to do on your weekend visiting Milwaukee and then saying that you hope the flooding doesn't put a wrench in your weekend when it's literally upending our lives is so wildly tone deaf.

It’s raining AGAIN? Have we not suffered enough?

I love this city so much and I am so sad seeing so people and businesses once again fucked by the weather and climate change.

If there’s ever been a time to bring back the drought

A real we won one Juan moment

My sister’s pissed bc she has to take Coopy to the basement for the third night in a row when he should be snoozin’

Six more games and then we owe George Webb a burger.

Everyone’s phone going off with a tornado warning in my section at the stadium while the game proceeds is such a bizarre experience.

I've started listening to this on repeat while I work and it makes my stupid lil corporate job feel like Epcot's Innoventions in the 90s

What I'm most excited about is that I'm going to get sucked off* at the Brewer game tonight.

*a tornado is going to snatch me