What We Do In The Shadows was such a good show

incredibly bravery tbh

idk why the winner of a ufc fight has to talk to joe rogan they should make the loser do that

A festive snowglobe tree ornament depicting Pikachu building a snowman.

Its so quintessentially Democrat to be seen purchasing a book about the evil they perpetuate, after losing an election in large part because of the evil, with barely enough time left before leaving power to read it and implement any change

i'm ready to migrate over to using bluesky full-time now that they've finally copied the rate-limiting feature from twitter that i missed so much here

loved the realism in the new mission impossible of a programmer saying "yeah I can get this impossible thing done but only if nobody bothers me for several days"

Refuse to be stored in black plastic sacks and placed in the containers provided

Do not go gentle into that good night

[ gets death tarot card ]

me: i've heard it's really not that bad

blackjack dealer: idk seems kinda bad

Telescopes probably use mirrors which means there is absolutely no way to know how many vampires there are in space.

Just because I choose not to drink doesn't automatically make me no fun. That is a separate choice, which I've also made.

banned from gardening forum for saying "it was me" every time someone posted and said "help, something is eating my tomatoes"

black & white webcomic by smee_bucket (@smee_bucket on ig) panel 1: lion king satire. mufasa, the powerful reigning lion ruler of the pride lands, hangs off a cliff, his foreclaws digging into the ledge. “scar help me I’m slipping,” he says panel 2: scar, his lithe, villainous (and gay-coded) brother, leers at mufasa and says “self care is cutting toxic people out of your life” 3: mufasa’s eyes bulge in shock and anger. “WHAT” 4: exterior shot of cliff as scar pushes mufasa off the cliff. “YOU ARE SO VALID,” scar assures mufasa. “what the heck”, a falling mufasa mutters 5: cut to bottom of the canyon. mufasa lies dead on the ground. his cub son simba is at this side, tears streaming down his little face. scar stands over them and gloats. “good vibes only,” he pronounces. 6: scar, having usurped his brother’s throne, now surveys his holdings atop pride rock. his hyena minions look up at him adoringly. “this sparks joy,” he purrs.

"after all...its not like they can use it again in some one else's mai tai"

[intently gazing out the window for my sandwich delivery guy like a widowed sailor’s wife longingly staring at the sea]

[first day at Domino's]

Manager: oh and one more thing: don't fuck the pizzas

Me: haha

Asst Manager: seriously, don't fuck them

Cook: dont fuck the pizzas dude

Me: I'm n-

Customer: that guy's not gonna fuck my pizza is he?

Manager: not if he wants to keep his job he wont.

[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy
[friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?

you, fake fan: cheering when indiana jones appears on screen

me, true stan: cheering when there’s a red line moving on a map to show how indiana jones got somewhere

*pulls out phone to call for help*
"heyyyyy, live in the moment man"

Banned from the escape room place for immediately punching through the drywall and grabbing a handful of live wires.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻