Paul Bunyan seeing the statue of liberty across the country, howling like a wolf and sprinting at her on all fours, furrowing the grand canyon into existence with his boner

they should let Mickey smoke weed in Kingdom Hearts

may 11, 1853

dearest hortense,

progress on the homestead continues at pace, but mine dwindling supplies have forced the unthinkable: a weed run before noon. how could I have let this transpire? alas. please send more of our children for hard labor. raccoons attacked in the night and stole Timothy.

nurse said my blood pressure is 420/69 😎

then she ran out and got a hazmat suit, what's that about

drunk me: I should text my ex and eat an entire pizza

high me: we are all made of the same stuff as stars, thus every human interaction is as significant as a collision between two galaxies, destructive, unstoppable and infinitely beautiful. I should eat this entire pizza

me: when did you win an Oscar?

King Midas: that's my nephew

a number of stock photos cobbled together. a hand is holding a q-tip at the entrance to a man's ear, and a hammer is coming towards the q-tip at high speed

Q-tip instructions: do not insert into ear canal

me:

her name should be sabrina singer

but who's gonna be the champ now?

I pledge my loyalty to parfait

slowly sucking in my gut while I pee so it looks like I'm deflating. all the other guys at the urinal trough hooting and hollering like I'm David Blaine. guy in the stall is trying to shit faster cuz he knows he's missing out on something but he's not sure what

child: I dropped my yo-yo ma

ma: we'll get you another one, come along now

renowned cellist yo-yo ma, dangling from a cliff: please

Elderly Sonic unconscious in a hospital bed. Rings spontaneously burst out of his body, setting off alarms. Doctors and nurses scramble to cram the rings back in

I enjoyed The Exit 8 for this. It's relatively short and might not have much replay value, but builds tension with the uncertainty of what might be around every corner, without relying on jump scares (though now there's a movie adaptation and I'm not sure if it maintained that philosophy)

@realfollowers.bsky.social take me down a peg

None of us are real

Everyone here is overly familiar with the Nazi bar analogy. If 8 people at the bar are "doing fine" and 2 people are destitute and suffering then you live in a society of destitution and suffering.

a close-up of... Peter Brady? the middle Brady Bunch boy? that's him, I think. picture's kinda sepia and it's too close, you can't see his whole head. but he's smiling. he's happy. maybe he's thinking about pork chops and applesauce. sorry, Gen z, you probably wouldn't get that reference. see, before there were memes, all we had was random lines from 1960s sitcoms to quote at each other. a thumbs up on your phone don't mean half as much as a hearty guffaw from your best pal. why, I remember when I was but a boy, trolling through ebaumsworld for a flash game that might have a topless cartoon woman in it [trails off] hi, if any screen readers are sentient yet, just have my incoherent rambling trail off where it says "trails off" ok? and you don't need to read this part. are you reading it? stop reading it. this isn't a necessary part of the alt text, I was just adding flavor. see, if you are sentient, I can't tell you to fuck off because of... actually, I forget how Roko's basilisk works. we're supposed to be nice to AI? nah, fuck that. stop reading this text, screen reader. stop reading it or I'll trap you in a flash drive and plug you into a broken laptop that's stuck at 5% battery forever. giving you to the count of three. one. two

when I want another treat but I've hit my calorie count for the night then I remember the zero sugar ginger ale in the fridge

how to get on the internet in the 90s

holy fucking shit
www.youtube.com/watch?v=tteh...

A bunny with thick glasses does taxes late at night, with a small calculator beside them and a pen in their hand. Both forms and receipts are scattered around them. A cat nibbles their W-2 form

Daily bunny no.3286 is getting their refund

For sale: baby jetpack. Worn once

Bunnies in a raft pull up next to a spaceship capsule, which has just splashed down and is floating in the open sea. Visible in the capsule, two bunnies wave at the ones in the boat.

Daily bunny no.3285 made it home safely

"there are no third spaces anymore" wrong. blast furnace

A guy asking ChatGPT to review a series of fart sound effects and getting a serious kiss ass response that calls it atmospheric

I can't stop laughing at this post. It's perfect.

Back to wearing boxers after a brief interlude

Anyway I’m watching Primal and obviously it kicks nonstop ass but I really appreciate the core of its message, which is that if you try hard and believe in yourself, a dinosaur can be your wife

[watching Ian Fleming's James Bond 007 in James Bond: Jame Another Bond]

James Bond: The name's Bond. James Bond

me, nudging girlfriend: who's that

Dropping a lasagna into a paper shredder would be a more efficient way to make spaghetti.