SAVE time when crossing a river with a fox, a chicken and a bag of corn by taking the chicken and corn across first then not going back for the fox ,which will have run off by then anyway. T O'Neill, Glasgow
subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs
EVER wondered who it is making those smells in the next cubical next to you? Simply whistle a catchy tune such as the A-Team theme and wait for the smelly bastard to reveal himself back in the office with the tune stuck in his head for the rest of the day. Irish Chris, Northwich
subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs
Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.
Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU
#viz #comedy #rude #swear
FOR as long as I can remember I've always wondered why birds have white shit? I can't see how this is possible, or what it is in their diet that causes it. It leads me to wonder whether any of your readers have ever seen a house martin chowing down on a tin of Dulux Brilliant White Matt Emulsion. Or any other type of white paint. I'd really appreciate an answer. Adam George Forman, Derby
subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs
A SERIES of copycat farts fol- lowing someone else's admiss- sion of guilt can compound the misery of the perpetrator, whilst simultaneously giving your bow- els the clean out you've always dreamed of. Dave Smith Hartlepool
subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs
Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.
Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU
#viz #comedy #rude #swear
AFTER much research I recently discovered that at 48, I am the same age now as Nelson Mandela was when he was my age. Similarly, Prince Harry, 32, is the same age now as I was when I was his age. I wonder, do any of your other readers have age-based celebrity links? Dr Trousers, Rickmansworth
subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs
TO REMEMBER the 8 planets of the Solar System I use the mnemonic "After Dinner I Did A Great Big Shit." It's easy to remember, but unfortunately none of the initial letters of the words correspond to the names of a planet except 'S', and I can never remember the name of that one. J Brown, Edinburgh
subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs
Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.
Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU
#viz #comedy #rude #swear
An advert from the latest issue for "The Bootleg Betjeman" - The UK's foremost poet laureate tribute act. With special guest support from "Fraud Byron"
From the latest issue (sorry no refunds). shop.viz.co.uk/viz355bs
Newcastle's castle was built in 1080 by William the Conqueror's eldest son Robert Curthouse. It is by no stretch of the imagination a "new castle"> Geordies should stop living in the past. Boody, Chesvegas
subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs
I ALWAYS get pears and peas mixed up, but I have worked out a way to tell them apart. The spelling. And the fact that one is a fruit and one is a veg. And the fact that they look dif ferent. Lupe Velez, Caracas
subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs
Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.
Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU
#viz #comedy #rude #swear
I'M GLAD nature gave up on its idea of evolving birds from fish after a sparrow flew into my window yesterday. Imagine if that had been a whale or something. Absolutely ridiculous. Peter Wheelbarrow, Barrow on Furness
subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs
Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.
Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU
#viz #comedy #rude #swear
IF you want to watch the television whilst sitting on the lav, I suggest you put a television in the bathroom rather than install a toilet in the living room which, frankly, hasn't gone down very well with my wife. Hector Crumb, Goole
subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs
A Top Tip from the new issue, accompanied by a picture of the cover, and it reads as follows: "80s pop stars. When on a nostalgia tour, give fans the opportunity for a piss and a trip to the bar by announcing that the next track is from your brand new album. Eldon Furse, email."
There's a new issue in the shops (Viz 355). Sorry no refunds.
SAVE money on expensive bicycle bells by simply shouting "Get out of my way, I haven't got a bell!" ' at anyone who gets in your way while cycling. Mrs G. Jpeg, Herts
subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs
Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.
Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU
#viz #comedy #rude #swear
I DON'T know why people say "it's not rocket science" as a means of explaining how simple something is. Rocket science is fairly simple itself. All you have to do is make sure that the thrust the engines produce is greater than the weight of the rocket and off they go. "It's not getting an appointment with your GP" would be a better phrase, as this is virtually fucking impossible. Tommy Tanksworth, Crewe
Subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354fb
WHY ARE good things said to be "The Bee's Knees"? The knees are perhaps the most rubbish bit of a bee. I think its fuzzy arse with a big, barbed sting sticking out is much better. "The Bees Bum' " would be a much more appropriate expression. Billy Bookcase, Guildford
subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs
Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.
Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU
#viz #comedy #rude #swear
Me, i like to call a spade a spade. Im not particularly outspoken, I just think it's confusing to use any other term for it. Hector Martingale, e-mail
subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs
I love hot cross buns at easter. But if they changed the name to Hot Cross Arseholes, it would put me right off them. So come on bakers, please don't change our buns! Alex Du Singe, Lincoln
subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs
How ridiculous of NASA spending billions of pounds to come up with the non-stick frying pan. In the weightlessness of space, the astronauts' sausages are just going to float right out of the pan. If anything, they should have been developing something to make them stick. J Boxbury, Norfolk
I was watching a video the other dat of a honey badger scraping with a pride of lions. It then went on to tackle a python, then have a go at a couple of jackals. They're right little brick shit-houses, honey badgers are. Our piss poor normal badgers, on the other hand, never get in a dust-up with anything. In fact, they wait until everything else is in bed before coming out and getting squashed on the A55. David Houghton, Wigan
subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs
Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.
Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU
#viz #comedy #rude #swear
I'M A plumber and I love playing practical jokes. Last year, on the run-up to April Fools' Day, 'Day, I got up in the middle of the night and spent 8 hours swapping over the hot and cold water supply to every tap in the house. The look on my wife's face in the morning when she turned on the hot tap and cold water came out frankly wasn't worth the bother. Frank Novat. Gatepost
subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs
SURFERS. Make the probability of surviving a shark attack 50% higher by simply smearing yourself in Marmite before taking to the water. John Owens, Glasgow
subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs
Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.
Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU
#viz #comedy #rude #swear
