was it that the king only hired stupid, weak men?? was the king an idiot?? #humpty

ok, i understand why the king’s horses couldn’t help Humpty but you’re telling me ALL the king’s men couldn’t put some egg pieces back together??? sorry???

if i were the dvd logo, i’d just GIVE IT UP. Stop moving around!!’ stay in the fuckin corner!! got a ripper headache from leaning forward and grinding my teeth!!! #dvdlogo

RIP wanker.

wish I could call my nan a wanker one last time. ☹️

busy learning deep lessons from vikings like melee combat tactics and dancing naked in a stream. #odin

they’re Roman theme parks!!!!

they’re Roman theme parks!!!!

that moment when gender is definitely an unchangable biological truth so you have to enforce it via fascistic law

Yes!!!!!!

me, knocked out from anaesthesia:

gastroenterologist, using ‘the voice’: RELAX YOUR BUM

i cooked some pasta
but i did not shoot the deputy

I saw a lady dressed in pink at the golf club so I called her Parbie and then nine people tried to drown me in the lake.

sometimes 'ghost mummy' haunts your bully’s printer. paper jam 🥲

then they rage-spew chemicals cause they’re drowning in windex???? ok!! #ants

when you’re fighting the river of ants, a good way to get the upper hand is to talk loudly about the 1998 movie Antz. especially in front of other insects!!!! “are your faces real ugly?? let me see!!!” hahahahahahahahaha

shut up and say more about the zoo!’!!

having a dead mum isn’t so bad. when you think “i want my mummy”, ‘ghost mummy’ appears and she goes alright

nah, i gotta go to my nan’s to Nair cream her chin hairs off!!

can i see your forklift licence!!!!

offering gentle post critiques as a service!!!!! it’s not bullying!!!

split screen video idea!!: Silo dune mummy jumping over the stair rail next to wario stadium cheat jump. yes????? #silo #mariokart #goodideas

the guy in Titanic who hits the propeller starts spinning around like that because he absorbed its abilities

try my method!!! called red-bricking!!! what you do is say nothing and throw a red brick at your narcissistic relative—works real good!!

hahahahahahahahahaha

what!!!!!!

offering a local crone an old couch and she interrupts me to complain about her broken hose. um hello??

arnotts assorted????

sliding all around like fucking crazy in my new frictionless environment

if you’re scared of your potato crops drowning, just give up. the rain will rot them as is the natural law. that’s all there is to it!!!! get over it!!! #melbourneweather