Me telling TV's Tom Cruise a joke:
Me: My dog has no nose...
Tom: HAHAHAHAHAHA THAT'S JUST INCREDIBLE LIKE WOW MAN JUST AMAZING THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING THAT HAHAHA JUST INCREDIBLE HAHAHAHA
Me: How does he smell?
Tom: HAHAHAHA HOW DOES WHAT SMELL HAHAHA THAT'S SO COOL MAN THANK YOU HAHAHAHAHAHA
Gonna try to convince my scientist son to invent a drug that significantly increases levels of being arsed.
Oh yeah 😁
Is it about time for you two?
Spring is springing.
Send the king of Hormuz some shoes. I'm guessing he's like a nine.
BREAKING - Donald Trump has called for the whole of NATO to step in and do something about the Epstein files.
Kevin* did a lovely solid poo after a 4 day nightmare stomach bug.
*Dog
He should sell those tears. I'd pay top dollar.
Hello, Jimmy Shite.
OMG slow down (sorry)
In honour of international Women's Day yesterday I shut the fuck up.
It's impossible to explain how something so daft was so enjoyable.
Hahaha. I'm now eyeing the Mutti tinned tomatoes and wondering if they can handle 50kg each.
John Cleese would have fucking hated John Cleese.
Started Yoga. Said 'Fuck me' more times than Ramsay when the cameras are on.
Might have a little break in Greenland while the heat's off.
Haven't lived in the UK for 30yrs and not sure I need to know what happened between Take That and fingering cats.
Just been added to Hegseth's super duper secret Signal chat if anyone's interested in how Epic Fury is going x
Morning.
I mean I know Class 2 contributions were very much a Trump running a casino kind of deal for the UK, but I'll be sad to my 4000% return on investment go.
Went for the usual morning walk and cut it short because DOMS. Kevin understood.
Fixed the squeaking door handle and lock my wife has been moaning about for 18 months.
Showed my wife who insisted she knew this but I think she's just trying to sound cool.
WHAT
But my thatch!
Pls tell the magpies they're a bunch of bastards and to leave my thatch alone.
Got loads of these if anyone needs to a perfect murder crime.
