This man never ages/has been stuck at 40 for 20 years.

A friend accidentally stopped his car on top of my foot last night. I’m a little sore but otherwise unharmed.

Hm, that gives me an idea…

[instantly dies because he’s not Bruce Willis in UNBREAKABLE, he’s in a shitty knockoff called UNPARKABLE]

@itsabigail.bsky.social lolol

This is how you get a puzzbug infestation.

The male loneliness epidemic but, like, NOT in a way that makes it anyone else’s problem.

“The depths of human creativity and depravity are two sides of the same coin.”
– @vicmsong.bsky.social talking Furby

Played a game of Dishwasher Operation* and lost.

* Try to snake your arm around the screaming hot heating element of a just-run dishwasher to pick up a fallen fork

Me whenever I’m doing endless repetitive shit with an X-acto blade: I wish I had a Cricut.

Me whenever I’m shopping for a Cricut: I would sooner stick an X-acto blade in my neck than buy a DRM-encumbered online-only paper cutter.

Furious at Hayao Miyazaki for not actually telling me How Do You Live. I need answers.

THE AGE OF BOBOT IS UPON US (consensually)

Girl, that Valentine’s Day post on Instagram is somewhat undermined by the 364 days per year you post on not-Instagram about the ways your boyfriend makes you sad.

My brain has a unique talent for turning even the nicest dream into horror. Romantic meetcute → impulsive flight to far-off lands → plane upside-down screaming crying death.

I’ve spent my entire life exploring the limits of game systems and listening to DVD commentaries and reading behind-the-scenes accounts because the intent behind the work is just as fascinating as the work.

I will never knowingly spend a dime or a second thought on anyone suckling at the A.I. teat.

What is Shrek?

If we can just pinpoint the superyacht’s location, maybe we can lure those yacht-sinking whales near it and…

Being mid-life while the world is in crisis DOESN’T make this a mid-life crisis.

I just watched “Jim Henson: Idea Man” and (between sobs) was further impressed that Eliza has worked with The Jim Henson Company on multiple projects! 🐌

Rewatching the “Live at The 10 Spot” Radiohead concert broadcast on MTV the year I graduated high school. The Paramount vultures, having scraped any remaining meat from MTV’s bones, will soon discard it altogether. Feeling rather picked over myself, to be honest. radiohead.com/library/#okc...

Submitting a FOIA request for any and all photographic evidence of this new ‘do.

Hello, Reed Diffuser Company tech support? How do I turn down the volume on this thing? It has 50% too much smell.

I’ve discovered the secret to infinite free money: Switch wireless plans so your bill goes from $115/mo to $30/mo. You can then use “But I’m saving $85 every month!” to justify literally any stupid purchase…forever!

Is Captain Phasma insufficiently notable?

Every time I open Bluesky to post something, I say to myself “It would be better if you were telling this to a therapist” and, duly chastised, I close the app.

Marvis Pro App - App Store Download Marvis Pro by Aditya Rajveer on the App Store. See screenshots, ratings and reviews, user tips, and more games like Marvis Pro.

Heard good things about about Marvis Pro, which integrates with your library and Apple Music subscription. One downside is having to install an app named “Marvis Pro”. apps.apple.com/us/app/marvi...

Every Blue Prince player I know loved it until they learned its systems. Once it became apparent how often a perfect run was torpedoed by a bad late-game Random Number Generator roll, the spell was broken.

SH2 can get a bit repetitive but is otherwise vibes.

Between @pftompkins.bsky.social’s statements and that hitchhiking robot being destroyed within minutes of arriving, Philadelphia has always been on the right side of the AI debate.

Making it my life’s mission to complete the YFI 69.

What they fail to mention on the product page for these sustainable compostable bamboo toothbrushes is that they’re so enormous it’s like trying to brush your teeth with a fucking broom handle. Anyways I recently picked up a new hobby, whittling.

Same for quitting caffeine. Not only was my insomnia completely unaffected but I ALSO had to trudge through persistent mental fog for six solid months.

I main PixelMator Pro, although the company was acquired by Apple so I have no idea how long they’ll be around. I’d heard enough great things about Acorn that I bought it when it was on sale but haven’t gotten around to using it.