FLEAS NOM YOUR *BLOOD*, FIASCO

IT IS NOT NICE

You could lay next to her head and purr too. That helps The Mama.

I THINK IT IS!

Or it could be dust

Orange tuxedo cat laying on a teal duvet staring up at the ceiling — only his white chin and ruff, and orange striped shoulders are visible

Something is on the ceiling.

Sleeping on big friends is best.

Orange and white tuxedo cat biting the corner of an iPad with a book page displayed on it

Mom is reading a book. It doesn’t taste like paper though.

Orange tuxedo cat lying on an aqua and white Squishmallow, yawning with his head upside down and front paws out

I sleepy.

Orange tuxedo cat lying on his human, who is underneath a dark turquoise duvet.

If I lay on The Mama’s hip, she can’t get up.

Why does your human not understand the importance of grooming? Mine grew her hairs too long for me to maintain them for her.

Orange tuxedo cat on the chest/up in the face of a medium sized whitish lady with dark brown hair and tortoiseshell glasses

The Mom was paying insufficient attention.

What is having a Hooman Mama for if not snuggles on demand?

You didn’t feel good. You needed to GO TO BED.

I understand, small grey friend.

Warm.

Dis is your brain on drugs

BRUSH UR TEETHS AND GET REAL HIGH

SILVERVINE STICKS

YOU GOT THE GOOD SHIT

We are cats. It is our duty to groom our families. Fiasco is only doing his job.

Can you open doors and do you have at least eight words of spoken English?

*polishes claws on belly floof; waits*

Orange tuxedo cat on a dark turquoise duvet, side eyeing a paperback copy of Ruth Ware’s The Death of Mrs. Westaway

The Mom likes to read while I nap.

Fiasco, I hate to tell you this, but the big black birbs are bigger than ME.

That’s more fluff than on my belly, so… she may have a point

Doesn’t Big Friend understand squishing is love? Mom almost named me Squishy because it’s my favorite thing. That name was okay but I liked Widget better.

Grooming! You are performing an important service!

Mom used to have short head furs so I could groom her but now they’re as long as Big Friend’s and they tangle up my tongue. Rude.

Most comfy. Extra warms. Can feel Mom’s heartbeat.

But Fiasco, those are as big as we are, and they have STABBY FACES

The Mom knows what she did.

(Put her camera right in my face)

Orange tuxedo cat laying on his human’s calves, with his butt and tail covering an iPad with Longleaf Valley on it

Mom was playing a game on the flat rectangle computer so it was very hard for me to get on her lap. However, I prevailed.

Smooches are what the hoomans do instead of licking our faces. It’s like your cat mama grooming you because she loves you, not because you’re dirty.

Squirrel has INVADED YOUR SPACE