How to tell you're a dad?

The pharmacist says to "take these pills with a meal" and your immediate response is:

"Who's Emile?"

Giving someone the middle finger and telling them to "sit and spin" is the weirdest insult.

You're the one offering to put your finger in my butt!

"Unlike when you put two bare feet together, this isn't a case of two halves making a hole."

- TrustYourPilot, 2026

What's your favorite fantasy series with murder, magic, rape, incest, and dragons?

Mine's Harry Potter.

If I had a nickel for every time the word 'ejaculated' appeared in the Harry Potter books, I'd only have 2 nickels.

But it's weird that it happened twice.

There's a Pokemon card called Rocky Energy coming out at the exact same time as Project Hail Mary.

Coincidence?

Yeah, probably.

We're a week away from the phrase 'fist my bump' taking over the internet.

Didn't expect to wake up this morning and see The Pokemon Company making a 67 joke, but here we are.

I forgot to post this when it was relevant, but Pokemon TCG Live was recently (almost) at version 69420.

If Bruce Banner was hit with Beta Rays instead of Gamma Rays, would he have turned into The Cuck and not The Hulk?

homer simpson from the simpsons is standing in front of a grassy field . ALT: homer simpson from the simpsons is standing in front of a grassy field .

College scouts when the topic of grooming comes up.

If boob cleavage is acceptable, butt cleavage should be too.

#LegalizeCrack

Every other Trading Card Game:

"You drew 3 cards?! That's nuts!"

The Pokemon Trading Card Game:

"You only drew half your deck on Turn 1? What a loser!"

When does the head stop and the face begin?

In a world full of anti-vaxxers and flat-earthers, I’m surprised there aren’t more pee-is-stored-in-the-ballers.

I’m really glad the villain in that Marvel movie had the same powers as the hero.

#ThingsNoOneHasEverSaid

If your last name is Tickles, don't name your daughter Tess.

I wish the Saturday Night Live audience clapped longer when someone unexpected shows up.

#ThingsNoOneHasEverSaid

If your girlfriend’s name is Bella, be careful calling her name near a dog park.

In the Pokemon world, a Mukbang has a whole different meaning.

All I want from the Harry Potter HBO TV show is an 8th season where they finish their last year of school, rebuild Hogwarts, and Harry trains to be an Auror by tracking down the remaining Death Eaters.

She's a 10 but she deleted Thunderbolt to make room for Thunder.

If you're being paid minimum wage, remember:

Your boss would give you less if it wasn't illegal.

If all your exes are crazy, remember:

The one thing they have in common is you.

It’s 2026.

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t stop a baseball game from getting rained out.

Normal People:

Get married because they love each other.

YouTubers:

Get married so they can create a 10-part series on getting married.

There’s a Pokemon with two cannons on its back.

There’s a Pokemon called Toucannon.

They are not the same Pokemon.

Is he a good listener?

Or does he not have anything interesting to say?

Everyone has a voice.

Too bad it’s how many people are listening that matters.

What's a former nun's favorite Linkin Park song?

Breaking the Habit.