I can’t wait until I get to take the drugs they advertise on tv.

Everyone’s always having so much fun.

I want to take this time to be honest.

I don’t put my pants on like the rest of you. You couldn’t even begin to fathom the ways I put my pants on.

I’m a fool to Bath and Body Works, oh yeah.

I don’t wanna Bath and Body Works, no more.

I don’t have insomnia, I just like to lucid dream that I’m laying in an uncomfortable bed in the dark

Serving cartoon mice tiny food on tiny plates is so disrespectful.

That’s not how serving food works. We don’t all get plates proportional to our size. Give them a normal sized omelette.

a woman wearing sunglasses and a yellow shirt is dancing ALT: a woman wearing sunglasses and a yellow shirt is dancing

CAITY’S BACK BABYYYYY

Mexicans - from Mexico
Magicians - from Magicico???

All I’m saying is the horse half is probably gonna be on Maury to dispute this

Mules are supposed to be half horse and half donkey, but that donkey half really shines through huh

Here’s Steve drawing a pentagram to summon the demon Rubicante as part of the ritual

The household objects in Steve’s house in Blue’s Clues are voiced by children because the punishment for not solving Blue’s Clues is to live forever inside the game.

Where are all the Beanie parents

Weird that people think that being gay is unnatural but don’t have any problem with skateboarding dogs

Woof that seems pretty one sided

Hate to make another announcement, but wanted to post the low points too so that you all can see the real grind.

Paramount+ has decided not to move forward with my show “Goats” about a woman who can see goats around her house when her husband cannot.

It’s part of the business! On to the next one!

So are Dory and Marlin bangin or what?

My stand up set when I get canceled and need to appeal to a younger audience: Shaboozey? I hardly know ze!

My son is going to be so confused when you don’t need to oink every few pages in adult books