i seriously can’t believe jinki came out as straight today… wow

everyone please stop calling ai glasses the "pervert glasses". this is appropriation of swirly glasses from pervert scientist women

probably due to my bad karmic debt

made tofu laab but i burnt the fuck out of my crispy shallots :(

if you're about to get mad about something, try crisply enunciating "kill everyone and everything on planet earth." i guarantee you will feel better afterwards

my life motto right now is "kill everyone and everything on planet earth" and i have to tell you... it's been a huge hit

i hope that emoji adequately conveys a sense of “well… fair enough”

my roommates didn’t wait for me to smoke special 4/20 weed with them: 😔
likely because the last time we smoked weed together i provided a beat-by-beat plot synopsis of king of the hill season 2 episode 16, “traffic jam”: 🤐

two pairs of the same shoes (one in much better condition than the other)

but for now we move

i have this pair of shoes i love so much that i keep buying a new [used, secondhand] pair every time the old one breaks… but i’m really scared because what’s going to happen when the used ones are all broken too…

anyone is a fast typer compared to HuntAndPecker4000

they make me taking typing speed tests and all watch me and say go white boy go...

my coworkers are obsessed with my typing speed

like 80% of being an adult is making a bunch of lentils and then having to eat lentils for every meal until you’ve finished all the lentils

truly a high point in the miserable slog that is riverdale s4

screenshot of text messages from mrs. lu reading Wapo crossword without you just isn’t the same… It makes me feel like a lonely pervert instead of being perverts together

this is literally the saddest thing i’ve ever heard…

i miss it so bad every single day

thinking fondly of one of my favorite lines in all of riverdale, “he didn’t kill himself. he was murdered. by suicide, i guess.”

imo a lot of their mystique is purely that, compared to khem and pharan’s relationship (where charisma goes to die), they’re absolutely sparkling and delightful. sorry can i say that

actually they’re like one standard deviation smaller than the average size, so usually they’re easier to find than average is. but it’s all because of society…

and when i was like “why would i like that” she pouted and said “i don’t know… i thought it might make you feel at home”

sister just facetimed me with like 40 visible hickies and when i was like “oh very nice lol” she said “you might like who gave them to me… a nonbinary lesbian!”

i know this isn’t really a sports fan audience but i highly recommend the podcast pablo torre finds out

cuz fierce is fierce hunni 💅

absolutely nothing but love but i get so second-hand embarrassed for people like this. like… girl stand up. are you an adult or what

i did sleep pretty well, but i have also slept pretty well every night since i stopped sleeping on a soft mattress, so i’m not really sure what conclusions (if any) i have to draw here

normally i sleep on a thin futon on the floor but last night i slept on the bare floor. now you’re probably wondering why i did this. curiously enough i am also wondering this.

like you don’t need to act too cool for baz luhrmann. i think it’ll be ok

can we just appreciate a fun movie 😭

watching romeo + juliet with my roommates but one of the has a friend over and they keep making tumblr style comments like “omg this is JUST campy enough that i’m here for it”… dude can we be for real