hey do you have plans for Christmas day

I feel this so much the only time I'm not completely broke is when I work 50-60 hours a week and when you work that much there's no point not being broke

hey charlotte a roofer just woke me up really early from a dream where I was digging and living in a complex tunnel system funded by my famous acoustic song that went like 🎶 her pussy slapped the chair with her pussy, the chair slapped her pussy with the chair 🎶

Vomiting, diarrhea, and fever but this evil ass job is still making me work. They tried to make me take my mask off too!

oh no I'm sick af oops

my tapatio that flew out of my bag and shattered all over the break room

forgot alt text

oh nevermind lol my b

feet will never be gone as long as I live 🤬

our party's new method of torturing our dm is my warlock casting spike growth and the rogue/barb grappler dash dragging enemies through the edge of it for like 10 or 12d4 free dmg every round.

lmfao I thought she looked like a gender swap of Val Kilmer in tombstone and went to grab a ss from the film for an estrogen would have saved her joke but that's literally just what this is

“Do not ever wear shoes!” the lover demands in Letter 36 “To a Woman.” Leave your feet bare like your neck and face, he pleads, without any cosmetics or adornments, not even chains of gold or silver. Be like silver-footed Thetis and newly born Aphrodite strolling barefoot on the shore. “Do not torture your feet, my love, and do not hide them . . . walk softly and leave prints of your own foot behind you, for those who would love to kiss them.”

We do have a written record in the 2nd century AD, we have “letter to a barefoot boy” and “letter to a barefoot woman”

I'm glad it doesn't happen to other ppl this much! It's hella annoying when it's like 2 burritos and they steal just one and I literally tipped them enough that they could have just bought a burrito. lately I've just been standing at the end of my driveway and it's been straight every time.

I think it's bc I live in a bougie neighborhood (a small family + 2 single adults crammed into a single family home) so they assume I'm rich or smth? I know it doesn't happen to other people that often.

like 3 out of 4 times I've used a food delivery service they've stolen at least half of the food

finally found a way to never get robbed by food delivery people

I completely forgot there were two Spiderman movies where Spiderman is a rapey fuckboy who kills Gwen at the end and isn't redeemed in any way. Wtf was that?

"a woman who is trapped inside a man who is trapped inside a woman"
This just bisexual vore material

um!!!

we love orville peck

Christians are trying to groom our kids 🙁

this made my stomach hurt lmao

my ex wanted to do mine bc she never gave anyone a shot before but when the time came she was so nervous she stabbed her hand and bent the needle

my pronouns are they/them in that way where if someone accidentally calls he I'm hurt and irritated but if someone accidentally calls me she I am fiercely loyal to them forever

taking a ho bath and shaving in my back yard bc my landlord starring remodeling the basement while I was asleep and they removed every toilet in my house, turned off the water, and plugged all the drains.

hey bb read this with me at the park and explain to me what it means I'm redacted

i got you homie, even if I skip Thanksgiving I can't skip the holiest of days.

you're on my hit list, grind. it's a list of people who haven't had my fried chicken and permanently ruined all other fried chicken.