You ever wonder when an island stops being an island and turns into just…the land? Maaaaaaan!

They say dress for the job you want. Maaan, that’s why I never wear a shirt.

When someone tells you to hold your horses, you tell them no. Maaan, they’re way too heavy!

Have you ever noticed there are rock stars but no roll stars? Whatever happened to rock AND roll, maaan?

You gotta wonder why folks always ignore the elephant in the room. Elephants give the best advice, man.

Talking’s pretty good, as things to do with your head go, but listening is where it’s at, maaan.

You don’t want to miss the good ol’ days too much, or you might miss out on the good new days.

Sometimes a delivery guy in a pizza hat is so much better than a knight in shining armor, maaan.

They’re called “sea stars,” but how do we know who came first? Maybe stars should be called “sky fish.”

Teach someone to fish and they’ll have fish for life. But if you give them a fish, that’s just, like, easier.

We’ve got card sharks, pool sharks, loan sharks…. Sharks need better vocational training, maaan.

I want a machine that turns toast back into soft bread. I’ve got too many toast regrets, maaan…

What’s up with crossword puzzles, maaan? Why are they so upset? Why not kindword puzzles?

Herding cats is hard. But you know what’s harder? Herding crocodiles. Maaan, they’ve got some attitude!

Ever wonder why they call it a flower bed? They always seem real awake to me.

They say you can’t compare apples to oranges, but that falls apart if you think about it for even one second.

They say light is the fastest thing there is, but where is it GOING, maaan?

Some folks will tell you not to buy a boat. Bet they’ll also tell you not to eat candy or listen to music!

Talented folks are just normal folks who practice something more than other folks, maaan.

If molecules are made of atoms, and atoms are made of even smaller things…like, how deep does this go?

How come drawers are where you keep your drawers? Pointlessly confusing, maaan. No need for it.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I wonder what else might fit in there?

They say you should only sleep like a third of the day, but that’s just a conspiracy by Big Consciousness.

It’s more fun to ride a slow bike fast than a fast bike slow. But, like, a waterslide is more fun than ANY bike.

Maaan, if you waste your time doing something you enjoy, then you don’t waste your time.

Are fossils bones that turned to stone, or are bones just rocks in denial about their true nature?

Constellations are just a hoax cooked up by Big Space. What do I see when I look up? Pinholes, maaan.

If eyes are windows to the soul, is the mouth a garage door? Makes sense. I always forget to close mine.

Friendship isn’t a boat you crew alone. You never know when you’ll need all hands on deck for a storm.

Cheese is just milk that’s been lucky enough to age gracefully.