My husband says “Howdy” like it’s a lifestyle.

Sir, you are Cuban, have only lived in Miami and Los Angeles, and own zero boots and hats. Please relax.

Ancient curse. Ten minutes before may you remember that it's a Zoom and not a phone call while you look like unshaven, unbrushed John Belushi hungover in pajamas.

dwayne johnson: how you like me now, big guy

guy living under a rock: ow owowow OW

My sister and I have a deal: if I walkie talkie her from my Apple watch and say, "Hey, Siri, is the park open now?" she replies, "Sorry, but the park is closed for maintenance." If she walkie talkies me asking about the zoo, I reply that a lion escaped its cage & is on the loose.

It’s actually bad for your mental health to feel insane all the time

A man is chased through a tunnel by a malicious waterfowl.

John's calves burned with each step, and a sharp pain pierced his abdomen. As he neared the safety of daylight, the sound of webbed feet slapping concrete grew louder. He risked a look over his shoulder, and found himself staring directly into the beady eyes of fate. He screamed.

Two cats in front of a stone staircase appear to be hugging and kissing. Halfway up the staircase, three cats look on, as do four more at the top.

when two of your friends start hooking up and the rest of you know it’ll end in disaster

WIFE: You're very quiet. What are you thinking?

ME: They should make a non alcoholic version of Blue Nun wine and call it Blue None.

HER: Sometimes it's ok to say 'nothing'

I sent my husband to the store, and he texted that they didn’t have what I sent him there for. I didn’t believe him, so he flipped his phone and had the cashier tell me they didn’t have it. Impressive move.

I’m at an age where my night guard has become my most prized possession. If the house is on fire, I’m grabbing the dog and my $400 piece of medical-grade plastic.

No, I don't have a pair of halfuroy pants nor eighthuroy pants.

Maybe if historical dramas showed how disfigured people were from what are now vaccine preventable diseases we'd have fewer anti-vaxxers

Why did they call it a protective beekeepers suit and not swarmour

JESUS: *turns water into wine*

JUDAS: *from the shower* okay that DOES IT

*posts at 4am* this website is dying

I’m depressed, but not “Pam Bondi gets fired as Donald Trump’s Attorney General and still has to testify on the Epstein files” depressed

💕

My husband and I are having a competition to see who can hide plastic eggs in the hardest spots. Loser has to cook and clean for a week. It’s been three days. He’s currently tearing the garage apart while I watch Netflix. I haven’t hidden a single egg.

My husband and I are having a competition to see who can hide plastic eggs in the hardest spots. Loser has to cook and clean for a week. It’s been three days. He’s currently tearing the garage apart while I watch Netflix. I haven’t hidden a single egg.

A picture of a partially made bed with my cat Zelda sitting on the fitted sheet, not budging.

Them: What's stopping you from making your bed everyday?

Me:

One thing Trump has successfully done is cowed a lot of people into thinking they can't call for meaningful accountability for him and his cronies because it would be "revenge" or "political" and therefore illegitimate. Absolutely essential to reject that

If I go to the store for one thing, somehow I come home with everything but that one thing.

Don’t let him distract you from the Epstein files. Stay on it. Keep talking about it.

I’ve reached the level of marriage where I don’t even need to speak. I just sigh and my husband instinctively starts apologizing for something he hasn't even thought of doing yet.

As of today, all of their names will be on the ballot, so we’re f*cked.

California, what the f*ck are we doing? So many Democrats are running that we could end up with two Republicans in November. Stop running just to see your name on a ballot. Step up if you have a shot, or step aside. This is not complicated.

FIRST PERSON TO HAVE AN IDEA: *lightbulb appears over their head* holy shit what the fuck is that

The best part of waking up is...

nope, got nothing.

Marriage is 80% love, 20% “why are you standing so close to me while I’m doing this.”

25 of the funniest posts we’ve seen on Bluesky this week www.thepoke.com/2026/03/25/2...