We just went from hopeless to popeless.

BREAKING:

New electric stove uses the air's natural pollution to make fire.

Okay fellas, Agent Pickle will be hiding the Epstein files under her bed tonight, but we need volunteers for next week.

Okay fellas, we can relax.
The new guy's an idiot.

Performative "deportations" are over. Send those poor people back.

You rang?

Haha, thanks.

You're welcome.

Code word for 2025 is "hoisted by his own petard".

The flood generator test in England is going swimmingly, folks.

REMINDER:

This month, we have a special 2 for 1 offer: Book 2 targets, we'll hit a 3rd one for free.

Agents Peppermint-46A and Hound-F11, prep event sequence for 1-3.

Let's keep the ratio to one or two cybertrucks on fire per week, agents.

All right, take the tornado generators for one final whirl and then put them back in storage, boys.

A post by a MAGA barf bag.

They're onto us. Purge operation, we will use alternate channels.

Big one coming up. All channels open.
Agent Hazel-AA1 and Watercolor-12F active in area Hotel-26.

All agents and associates: boost randomly to increase the background noise.

We're beginning to get the first encrypted video feeds from the new gadget everybody just had to buy.

Even better than Alexa.

Our labs tell us this year's pathogen is ready.

All agents in position for night ops.

Reminder: the passphrase to operate the Jewish Space Laser changes at the end of the month, along with the chosen source book. We're picking sci-fi this time. Usual channels for the details.

Russian police cars destroyed by fire.

Christmas Eve game: Guess which of our agents did this! The prize: their job, their house... everything, because we'll have to get rid of them if they are identified.

Cleanup area Tango-6, Agents Dairy-B21 and Hostel-94 prep for events on 12-21.

If any associate wants a drone for Christmas, please contact agent Acorn-4A in NJ.
He has dozens.

All agents ready.

Reminder: we have special discounts on hit-men until 12-31. Use code "bullseye".

The situation is as follows: we have set up so many fake news agents active that we can safely run things in the open, and people will think it's just another parody account.

Yeah, go ahead and screenshot this. Nobody will ever believe you, Mikey.

Agents Lamb-EF7 and Stag-53D, prep events for 12-20. Report usual channels.