MAGA Voters Sell Trump Merch To Afford Gas He Promised Would Be Cheaper | Folly Times MAGA voters are selling Trump merchandise to afford rising gas prices he once promised to lower. Experts say this represents a full-cycle loyalty economy. Secondary markets surge as patriotism becomes...

🚨 𝐆𝐚𝐬 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐁𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧 𝐀𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐋𝐞𝐭’𝐬 𝐆𝐨 𝐁𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐧 𝐅𝐥𝐚𝐠𝐬 𝐀𝐬 𝐏𝐚𝐲𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

Pump 3 now accepts autographed bibles, loyalty, and two bumper stickers.

Full Details: follytimes.com/bbaa

Trump Fires Pam Bondi For Not Being Better At Winning Cases He Keeps Talking About Online | Folly Times Trump fires Pam Bondi after frustration grows over court losses and delayed results. Officials say legal outcomes must now match online statements faster. — Satire news from The Folly Times. Breaking ...

𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐦𝐩 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐬 𝐏𝐚𝐦 𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐢 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐀𝐭 𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐇𝐞 𝐊𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐬 𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐀𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐎𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞 — White House says next attorney general must win cases so fast the verdict posts before the complaint.

Full Details: follytimes.com/6rjz

🏀 𝐁𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐬 𝐏𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐫 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐨 𝐐𝐮𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐀𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐀 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐀𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭

League confirms silence remains the most efficient form of teamwork

Details: follytimes.com/w23d

Erika Kirk Reaffirms She Doesn’t Want Fame During Seventh Interview This Week | Folly Times Erika Kirk shared an old interview explaining she never wanted fame, prompting widespread reactions online. Critics say the message contrasts with her growing public presence since Charlie Kirk’s deat...

🔴 𝐄𝐫𝐢𝐤𝐚 𝐊𝐢𝐫𝐤 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐦𝐬 𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐅𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐃𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐡 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐖𝐞𝐞𝐤

Her team coordinates media appearances designed to reduce the amount of attention Erika Kirk receives.

Details: follytimes.com/x31l

Iran Sacrificial Leader Program Offers Unique Career Opportunities | Folly Times Iran appears close to announcing a new supreme leader after the death of Ayatollah Ali Khamenei during the escalating regional conflict. Experts say the new leadership environment has created unusuall...

🔴 𝐈𝐫𝐚𝐧’𝐬 𝐒𝐚𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐑𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐎𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐪𝐮𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐫 𝐎𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 #IranWar

Experts say the job provides unmatched leadership visibility, assuming it lasts longer than the announcement. follytimes.com/epl0

Congress Solves National Problems By Moving Clocks Foward Again | Folly Times Congress celebrated another successful implementation of Daylight Saving Time this weekend, proudly moving clocks forward across the country. Officials say the annual adjustment improves productivity ...

🕒 Americans who refused to move clocks forward now labeled “anti-time extremists”

Officials say respecting government-issued time is a cornerstone of democracy.

Details: follytimes.com/4n05

Tate Brothers Sue Internet Until Someone Admits It Was Them | Folly Times Andrew and Tristan Tate are asking courts to force X to reveal the identities behind anonymous accounts criticizing them. Legal experts say the effort could require identifying millions of users. The ...

🔴 Andrew Tate vows to identify every anonymous critic online, beginning with the guy named “AlphaG420.” Investigation focuses on mysterious group known as “everyone.”

Details: follytimes.com/m11o

Trump Promised Cheaper Gas, Launches $5 Freedom Fuel Instead | Folly Times Oil prices surged to record levels as the Iran conflict disrupted global energy supplies. The spike follows Trump’s promise to slash gas prices. Officials say the increase proves the energy market rem...

⛽ 𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐦𝐩 𝐑𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐬 𝐎𝐮𝐭 $𝟓 𝐅𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐅𝐮𝐞𝐥 𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐆𝐚𝐬

Energy experts say the new pricing model allows Americans to directly fund geopolitics while commuting.

Read Here: follytimes.com/rci3

Noem Hopes “Shield of the Americas” Means Shielding Herself From Oversight | Folly Times Kristi Noem reportedly assumed the Shield of the Americas role would shield her from investigators probing a $220 million ad campaign. Officials insist the program protects hemispheric security, not a...

🔴 Officials confirm Shield of the Americas designed to block threats which includes

- Drug cartels
- Smugglers
- Senators asking about advertising contracts

follytimes.com/02uw

Oops!… She Did It Again | Folly Times Britney Spears was arrested for DUI in Ventura County, prompting fans and analysts to once again examine the singer’s unique relationship with highways, choreography, and early-2000s pop lyrics. — Sat...

🔴 𝐎𝐨𝐩𝐬!… 𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐢𝐝 𝐈𝐭 𝐀𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧

Britney Spears Reportedly Asked Officers If Patrol Lights Were Part Of The Choreography

🔴 𝐑𝐞𝐩𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧 𝐁𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐒𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐁𝐞 𝐎𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞

Federal investigators now tracking suspicious signatures, unattended ballpoint pens, and anything that writes neatly.

follytimes.com/33wi

Trump Neck Rash: White House Calls Red Neck a Sign of Patriotism | Folly Times The White House claims President Donald Trump’s neck redness is not a concern, it is a feature. Staff framed it as proof of patriotism and outreach. Doctors insisted the cream is common. The administr...

🔴 𝐖𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐇𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐬 𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐍𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐚 𝐒𝐢𝐠𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐏𝐚𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐦

Donald Trump's doctor confirmed the redness on his neck is solidarity, not irritation, and it will remain until morale improves with his base. #MAGA

follytimes.com/ppl1

❝If we are not at war by Friday, you are fired. I did not create the Board of Peace for nothing.❞ #Iran #Trump #DepartmentofWar

⸻ President Donald J. Trump

90-Day Improvement Plan: Husband Places Wife on Review for ‘Emotional Output’ | Folly Times A husband formally places his wife on a 90-Day Improvement Plan to address emotional performance gaps. KPIs now govern affection and tone. Quarterly intimacy reviews are scheduled. Romance awaits comp...

💗 Husband Launches KPI Dashboard to Track Wife’s ‘Emotional ROI’

Love is priceless, so naturally it needs weekly reporting and a dashboard.

Full Story: follytimes.com/lns6

If you can dodge a question, you can dodge accountability. Distract, Deny, Deflect, Delay, Declare Victory. #EpsteinFiles #Iran #DistractionWar

Trump Promises War Will Be Short, “Two Weeks, Maybe” | Folly Times Trump unveiled a two-week war timeline during renewed strikes in Iran. The Board of Peace insists the deadline proves discipline. Critics question the math. The White House calls it decisive schedulin...

🚨BREAKING: Trump Promises War Will Be Short, “Two Weeks, Maybe” ‒ The Board of Peace says the timeline will depend on when America gets bored of the Epstein Files. follytimes.com/w6c3

Trump’s “Bored of Peace,” Solves It With War in Iran | Folly Times Trump forms a new peace board and immediately approves combat operations in Iran. The administration says strength creates stability. Critics point to years of anti-war rhetoric. The White House calls...

🔴 𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐦𝐩’𝐬 “𝐁𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐏𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐞,” 𝐒𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐈𝐭 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐖𝐚𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐈𝐫𝐚𝐧 #BoredOfPeace #EpicFury

America was promised a peace president. It got a rebranded war with more merch. follytimes.com/fnw1

Indiana Offers to Relocate Illinois Nuclear Plants to Hammond Parking Lot | Folly Times ndiana offers to relocate Illinois nuclear plants to Hammond as stadium talks intensify. Gov. J.B. Pritzker defends Illinois’ clean energy push while Indiana eyes bundled tax districts. Officials in b...

☢️ After Bears, Indiana Drafts Plan to Import Illinois Power — Next week’s bill covers clouds, wind, and any remaining pride. #DaBears #Pritzker

Full Story: follytimes.com/g5kt

Hillary Clinton Deposition Halted So Committee Can Investigate Itself | Folly Times The Hillary Clinton deposition briefly halted after Rep. Lauren Boebert shared a closed-door photo online. Lawmakers responded by launching an investigation into themselves. Officials insist the syste...

HILLARY CLINTON DEPOSITION HALTED SO COMMITTEE CAN INVESTIGATE ITSELF

follytimes.com/qslk

Hillary Clinton Deposition Held Privately to Protect Public From Knowing Things | Folly Times House Oversight will question Hillary Clinton behind closed doors and call it transparency. Republicans want a headline, Democrats call it a stunt, and MAGA wants a trophy. Donald Trump wants the atte...

🔴 𝐇𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐂𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐧 𝐃𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐝 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐏𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐜 𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬

Comer says he wants answers. He wants them edited and ready for a fundraising subject line.

follytimes.com/e17i

Bill Gates Apologizes to Staff for “Minor” Association With Jeffrey Epstein | Folly Times Bill Gates addressed foundation employees after emails linked him again to Jeffrey Epstein. During the call, he confirmed past Russian affairs and apologized for what he described as a misjudged relat...

🔴 𝐁𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐄𝐩𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐢𝐧 𝐀𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐲 #EpsteinFiles — Bill Gates Epstein apology classified as “minor brand turbulence.” Full Story: follytimes.com/bor1

Trump's Marathon Speech Leaves JD Vance Holding Breath | Folly Times President Donald Trump delivered a record-long State of the Union and treated the applause like oxygen. Meanwhile, JD Vance and Speaker Mike Johnson tried to keep smiling through a brutal chamber atmo...

🔴 𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐦𝐩 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐞𝐜𝐡 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐉𝐃 𝐕𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡

Clapping required, breathing optional. Trump crop dusts JD Vance and Mike Johnson during marathon speech.

Full Story follytimes.com/tq6o

Kash Patel Declares Locker Room Active Crime Scene of Winning | Folly Times After Team USA Hockey won gold, Kash Patel joined the locker room celebration and labeled it an “active crime scene of winning.” Supporters call it patriotism. Critics call it misplaced focus. Officia...

🇺🇸 𝐊𝐚𝐬𝐡 𝐏𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐬 𝐋𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫 𝐑𝐨𝐨𝐦 “𝐀𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐂𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐒𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠”

Man who did not record a shot on goal celebrates like he hit overtime himself. #Olympics2026

Full Story: follytimes.com/c1qj

Costco Thanks Supreme Court for Bulk Discount on Executive Power | Folly Times Costco Supreme Court tariffs fallout positions the retailer for financial gain and brand strength. While Trump pivots to new trade powers, Costco counts savings. — Satire news from The Folly Times. Br...

🛒 𝐂𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐜𝐨 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐬 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐁𝐮𝐥𝐤 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐄𝐱𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐏𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫

Hot dog and Rotisserie chicken pricing remains stable. Full Story: follytimes.com/qaym

White House Confirms Aliens Real, Epstein Records Abducted | Folly Times The White House confirms aliens are real and promises full transparency. Meanwhile, Epstein records reportedly vanished in a suspicious beam of light. Officials insist the abduction remains under revi...

🛸 𝐖𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐇𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐦𝐬 𝐀𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐥, 𝐄𝐩𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐢𝐧 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐀𝐛𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 #Aliens #EpsteinFiles

Aliens exist. Files vanished.
Seems obvious who took them.

Full Story: follytimes.com/m331

Measles Are Great Again, Vaccinated People Accused of Cheating | Folly Times Measles Are Great Again becomes the slogan of a movement praising natural infection. Vaccinated Americans face accusations of unfair immunity as outbreaks grow. — Satire news from The Folly Times. Bre...

🦠 𝐌𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐆𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐀𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧, 𝐕𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐏𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐀𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 #MAGA #Measles — Vaccinated individuals must now declare performance enhancement status. follytimes.com/98hi

Trump Pinky Swears He’s Never Met Prince Andrew, Despite 47 Photographs | Folly Times Trump pinky swears he never met Prince Andrew, despite dozens of photos. The White House insists the gesture carries greater weight than images. Confidence remains steady. — Satire news from The Folly...

🤝 𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐦𝐩 𝐏𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐲 𝐒𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐇𝐞’𝐬 𝐍𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐌𝐞𝐭 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐀𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐰, 𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝟒𝟕 𝐏𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐬 — Images reviewed. Pinky confirmed. Case closed.

Read Here: follytimes.com/ifds

Supreme Court Limits Tariff Authority, Trump Announces Even Bigger Authority | Folly Times The Supreme Court tariff limits briefly narrowed presidential power. President Donald Trump responded by unveiling broader authority within hours. Officials insist stability improves through expansion...

⚖️ 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐓𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐟𝐟 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲, 𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐦𝐩 𝐀𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐁𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲

Executive power now available with the Trump Tariff Plus Plan.

Full Story: follytimes.com/eqyl

MAGA Calls for Ban on Male Dogs Following Olympic Women’s Sprint Incident | Folly Times Male Dogs Women’s Sports debate erupts after a wolfdog named Nazgul crossed the women’s Olympic sprint finish line. MAGA voices demand strict enforcement of “no men in women’s sports,” extending the p...

🐕 𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐀 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐁𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐧 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐃𝐨𝐠𝐬 𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐎𝐥𝐲𝐦𝐩𝐢𝐜 𝐒𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐭 𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭 #Olympics2026

Women’s sports protected from male wolfdogs. Mission accomplished. Everything else remains ignored. #EpsteinFiles

Read: follytimes.com/rseb

Melania Trump Recommends National Branding Strategy Starting with Air Force One | Folly Times Melania National Branding Strategy begins with Air Force One, as the executive jet receives a bold new slogan. Officials defend the repaint as clarity, efficiency, and modern messaging. The White Hous...

✈️ 𝐌𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐚 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐁𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐲 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐀𝐢𝐫 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐞 𝐎𝐧𝐞

Testing shows the phrase improves clarity while reducing empathy drag.

Full Story: follytimes.com/sayp