I have a tiny dartboard, see,
It’s very far from full-size,
And that’s the reason, seems to me,
I don’t score many bull-size.

I gave my love a coat hanger,
She flung the thing right back,
It acted like a boomerang
And gave her head a whack.

What a coincidence Nicola! Just yesterday I came upon the notebook I was using when I was roughing out the verses (though some, including Chameleon had been written previously). I was recovering from shingles at the time, so it was a very welcome fun distraction and Twitter was in its heyday. 😊

Manatee or Mermaid?

To test a sailor’s sanity
Bring unto him a manatee,
And if he finds her beautiful,
Declare him fit and dutiful.

But if he finds her hideous,
This shows he’s too fastidious,
And not the sort of matelot
Who’s fit to fight a battle-o.

I tried to toss a pancake once,
But found it quite impossible.
Now, maybe I am just a dunce,
But IS a pancake tossable?

Well, it was nice, after a difficult day, to come home from work last week and find that the poetry book I won had arrived. #poetry Thank you, Children’s Literature Festivals and @colinwest.bsky.social. Don’t Look in the Mirror, Maud has made me laugh for days.

@punchbooks.bsky.social Currently on sale on ebay. It is of course, an original Sprod! Do you think maybe from one of those one-man double spreads?

Latest ditty

When Noah crammed the final beast
Into his ark to ferry ‘em
To higher ground, he sighed, “At least
No need for an aquarium.”

I submitted this poem some time ago for a space anthology. It didn’t make the cut, but I thought I’d illustrate some of the verses anyway. Sorry for the wonky type, just a rough paste-up!

It struck me that this drawing would be right for the Ogden Nash rhyme 😊

Some cat drawings 😊

Some drawings for my funny poems

Delighted to have this little rhyme included in the School Magazine’s Countdown publication. Illustrated by the talented Gabriel Evans

Some drawings by Abner Graboff from Merry Ditties, a collection of folk songs

I buzzed my own buzzer, I wanted to know
Who lived in a flat just like my one, and so
I answered my buzzer when I heard it buzz,
And found out the sort of a person who does.

A little more Nonsense …

Cut up old step ladder to make useful library steps

Some beautiful illustrations by Charles Martin, 1913.

Stink? 😁 Don’t stand so close to me 😁

Thank you! 😊

There once was a girl, namely Goldilocks,
Who couldn’t unlock some old moldilocks,
For Daddy Bear’s door
Has padlocks galore,
Which every night I am toldilocks.

Versifying for Marc Chagall …

A Date in the Desert …

A little more nonsense …

I wandered lonely as a cloud,
Just like old Willie Wordsworth,
And saw some golden daffodillies
Though not so numerous as Willie’s,
But maybe just a third’s worth.

Some Nonsense for the weekend …