The WALL-E humans didn't stop moving all at once. They just kept choosing comfort.

Amazon now. DoorDash dinner. Netflix slop. OnlyFans chat.

Every day. For years.

Until the easier option was the only one they could manage.

What’s a friendship thing that happened to you that you’ve never fully made sense of?

That...def sounds like some prolonged, intense exposure. Glad to hear you made it through and leveled up your not giving a fuck.

The closest I got to that was running for APA president in the mid 2010s. Lots of fucks were given. Not many are left now.

We went from Friends, six people, one couch, every day, to six people, one group chat, tapbacking memes.

Very very kind of you to say! Criticism from colleagues is one of my biggest fears and support from folks I admire just totally makes my day!

The lies aren't going to stop.

But you don't have to listen.

Lie 5: "You're broken."

Shame makes you believe you are wrong. It's the most nefarious lie. It makes you hide. Guarantees isolation.

But if a friend came to you feeling this way, you'd remind them they are enough.

You deserve the same. You're not broken. You're doing your best.

Lie 4: "You're not good enough."

If you think this, it means you care about doing your best. The people who aren't trying never think this.

The biggest problems I encounter come from people who are overconfident and underdeliver. If you're asking whether you're good enough, it means you are.

Lie 3: "They're going to figure out you don't belong here."

Nobody told you it was possible to get this far. But belonging was never theirs to give.

You're not here for their approval. You're here for everyone who looks like you and is watching to see if it's possible.

Lie 2: "Anxiety means something is wrong."

Anxiety ≠ danger.

It usually means something is new. Or that you care about what happens next. Sometimes it's excitement in disguise.

I've walked into a hundred rooms convinced something terrible was about to happen.

Real feeling. Miscalculated threat.

Lie 1: "Everyone is judging you."

Your eyes scan for judgment everywhere. I do this whenever I'm around new people.

But most people are running the same scan, worrying about what you think of them.

We're all just trying to look like we know what we're doing.

Social media learned exactly what makes you feel inadequate and serves you more of it. Fear drives clicks.

We're comparing our real, messy lives to algorithmic illusions with no one around to reality check them.

Here are the 5 lies I hear most, from the people I work with and inside my head.

"You don't belong here." And other lies our brains tell us.

I've been a psychologist for 12 years. I've also had social anxiety as long as I can remember.

Things have changed. The anxious voice that used to whisper is getting louder. Not just for me, everyone I know.

I think I know why. 🧵

BAR INCEPTION!!!

Dabo!!!!!!

Maybe that place Deckard get noodles.

I'm a psychologist who studies loneliness. I know the research on social fitness. I know how to build and maintain real connection.

And I'm still clueless as to what my social gym should look like.

What does yours look like?

Industrialization engineered movement out of daily life.

Digitization, remote work, and frictionless delivery are doing the same thing to human connection.

We built a $120 billion gym industry to fix the first problem. We don't have an equivalent for the second one yet.

Physical activity was free for 2 million years. Then we had to pay $30/month to get it back.

Social connection is next.

Pretty sure if Hollywood remade Back to the Future and sent a 17 year old in 2026 back to 1996, they'd probably decide to stay there.

always the ideal!

I've wanted to take a cooking class for years. The only things I can cook are eggs and popcorn. Writing this finally convinced me to book one.

The worst that happens is I burn something and meet someone.

What about you?

So here's what I'd steal from Gen Z: find one thing in your community you might want to try. A birdwatching group. A run club. A knitting class. Something you'd be bad at with people you don't know yet.

For Gen Z, the phone isn't the destination. Just a bridge.

Body doubling is a perfect example.

Find a stranger, share what you're both working on, spend 50 minutes getting it done side by side.

No relationship required. No social performance. Just parallel presence.

Focusmate has logged 100 million minutes of this.

They show up to something, not someone.

Instead of showing up for a specific person, with all the pressure that brings, they show up for a specific thing.

And whoever else shows up, shows up.

Friction does something algorithms can't.

It creates shared experience.

Finishing a run together, waiting for a photo to develop, sitting next to someone you've never met, these are the moments connection actually happens.

They're deliberately choosing friction.

Film cameras. Vinyl records. Phone-free bars. Regularmaxxing.

90% of Gen Z prefer the communal dining table vs 60% of boomers.

They want to be next to strangers.

They stopped trying to hang out and started signing up for things.

Run clubs. Pottery classes. Mahjong dens. Crochet nights.

Activities with a start time, a shared focus, and zero pressure to perform.

The activity is just the excuse.

My generation moved toward convenience, optimization, and performance.

We let Zuckerberg build the town square and wondered why it felt terrible.

Gen Z is moving the opposite direction. Toward friction. Toward imperfection. Toward presence.