A drunk has a dream about walking atop the heads of shoppers until he’s punished for his obnoxiousness.

It’s from Dreams of the Rarebit Fiend

Short for Strawbarack

You want plant growth formula in that?

Garlic mashed potatoes are far superior for the simple reason that they actually ASK if you want them buried in gravy or not

a murder of whales

And “pod” isn’t necessarily correct either, it’s actually a gam of whales, as Melville acknowledges

DAVE ICE

A pancreas?

They arrange play dates with Polar Claw, Doubledealer and Hellbat

(John Linnell voice) wheeen i was driving once i saw this painted on a bridge

Yeah, but did it come in non-Caucasian colors?

due to rising sea levels we may have to revise that figure soon

Lisa Loeb has still never shown any repentance for her crimes, nor has Lisa Leopold

Your assumption is faulty in the first place— Luigi doesn’t run away! He’s shy and timid, sure, easily spooked, but he runs toward the danger just as surely as Mario does. Mario is fearless but Luigi is brave despite his fear.

Pragmata is a game where you get stabbed in the palms of your hands and babies come out

(stage whisper) that’s MIKE

Someone said that living in this country for the past ten years has felt like being Frank Grimes on that one episode of the Simpsons, and I can’t stop thinking about it.

Great script, Mr. Hitchcock, but what if we excised this one line right here? Kinda sucks the mystery out of the whole thing!

Remind me, what does “dotard” mean? And “eunuch”, and “liege”? And who keeps shrinking my special king chair??

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: language was different.

Who has lost his tail? The forgotten one of the ship that sails the cosmos.

Lore Sjöberg @loresjoberg • 12/19/20 Do breakfast cereal mascots live in a universe in which other breakfast cereals exist? Like, is the Trix rabbit humiliatingly obsessed with Trix because it's the only option, or is he actively choosing Trix over say Froot Loops? Lore Sjöberg @loresjoberg • 12/19/20 I...may have had a couple edibles. G, The Hungry Reader @TeeAitchAre What if the Cinnamon Toast Crunch "Crazy Squares" got out of the box and found out how many other cereals they could be eating in this shopping aisle? Would their population explode and they'd take over the store? What if all food learned that it could eat other foods? 8:07 PM • 12/19/20 from Earth

Minimum six years.

robot roll call?

Not that I’m not looking forward to the new episodes, but man, Mike and the Bots are ALL showing their age

“And this is Thicky! You’ll like him, he’s really fat!”

Mightys Benefit Plan - Mighty Mouse: The New Adventures Dailymotion video by Sebastianarmando 8320

There’s a much more explicitly Bagdasarian-bashing episode of The New Mighty Mouse, actually: www.dailymotion.com/video/x3v86ej

Extreme Animaniacs energy

Me: donates money to Barack Obama in 2008
The Democratic Party, for the rest of my life:

George, the striped brown cat with white toes and a spiked collar with a bell shaped like a skull. He is, in my estimation, a very nice man.

I love this cat so much that my devoted cooing has looped around to being overly formal and stilted; I just told him “I think you are a very nice man.”

I think it may be even simpler: we were raised directly by Boomers.

Hippie men talked a good game about race & sex equality, but all the cooking & laundry on the communes was done by women. They were still almost as racist & sexist as their parents.

It’s very hard not to become your parents.