there’s plenty of fish in the sea but i’m stuck in the middle of the pacific garbage patch

sorry i can’t go out tonight. i went out earlier today so now i have to spend the remainder of the evening under a blanket on the couch rubbing my feet together like a cricket

drove past my old local joann’s to discover it’s now a spirit halloween. please don’t contact me during this time of mourning

call that man a cash register the way he’s a POS

it’s only a valley girl voice if it comes from the san fernando valley region of california. otherwise, it’s just sparkling vocal fry

physical therapy 🤝 regular therapy
a very nice woman pushing me to my absolute fucking limit because it’s good for me

i need craft stores to start staying open late because what else am i supposed to do when i run out of yarn in the middle of the night? go to sleep and finish my project in the MORNING? no thank you

rookie mistake! woman uses the bathroom at home right before a doctors appointment where she knows she’s gonna have to pee in a cup

as someone who doesn’t drink, i think i should be allowed to use my drink ticket for a food item that’s equal or lower price than a cocktail instead of just having to use it on a sprite 😤

tell me why the new liquid glass ios feature is giving sims 4 ghosts

:)))))

the cool one

just saw a magic show where bic transformed all their products into razors. not exactly what i expected when i bought tickets to see pen gillette

A meme from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. In the top panel, one man labeled "literally every company" hands a plate labeled "AI" to a man labeled "me." In the bottom panel, the man labeled "me" nonchalantly tosses the plate down the hallway, discarding it with casual disdain while the first man watches.

Time to post it again.

feet wide, arms out, can’t get in my personal space at this concert 😤

thanks autocorrect but i actually have never once meant to ask someone if they’re “licking me up later” or if we should take separate cars. i’ve always meant PICKING me up

calling myself “clean air pilled” instead of covid cautious to my gen z cousin bc im hip to the lingo

the fun part about having depression and a chronic illness is you can’t tell which one is causing your fatigue
(the secret is it’s probably both and they’re making each other worse!)

just got caught smiling at my phone and had to admit it’s because my lock screen is a picture of my dog

This is the single most meaningful "sign" of good character.

It demonstrates that the person

1) Actually cares about other people's health (And their own!)
2) Is willing to inconvenience themselves to practice their values
3) Believes in science
4) Doesn't need to be told to be a good person

this is probably an unpopular opinion but i actually think brands’ april fools posts are kinda fun! like yeah this “holiday” CAN be for you guys to let your social media managers be creative for the day

HAPPY TRANS DAY OF VISIBILITY I made this song for us ⭐️🩵🤍🩷

i know posting your daylist isn’t cool anymore but this one hurt

I drive around on my butt like a car :3

the spiral ramp is the subject of my nightmares

chappell, i love the new song its great but the random mens’ voices were a jumpscare

commercial: study at WGU
me: worge geoshington university

in honor of today being presidents day let me be the first to say: feel like we could've dedicated this day to something else. little puppies in tuxedos perhaps

What better way to celebrate Valentine's day than to tell you the deluxe remastered version of my break up album is coming out? next Friday, 2/21 ❤️‍🔥😘

okay but have we considered that maybe i could have become stronger and wiser via softness and gentleness rather than “what didn’t kill me but sure as hell tried?”