I think Cyrus is the person I've loved the longest while maintaining those feelings and growing stronger. It took me such a long time to talk about him. I remember being so so excited when he reappeared in USUM in 2017 but stayed at a distance and saw it as a silly one-sided crush that wouldn't work. Just would do things like read fanfics like reader inserts and think haha... that would be so nice if it were real! I started to talk about having a crush on him in discord servers around 2018 but I didnt view what I had with him a relationship nor did I let myself selfship with him then. I couldnt allow myself to love him fully.
I gained the courage to talk about my feelings publicly after playing Pokémon Pearl again in 2022 and reconnecting with him. I made my sona Venus and some new accounts on social media because I wanted a dedicated place to yap without feeling shy. I really wanted this time for him to feel the love I had for him, everything felt right.
I was recovering from trauma and depression at this time and making big improvements and started to reconnect with things that used to bring me joy, Cyrus was a big factor in that as well because we share similar interests. Always grew up being very into science, space, robots/machines and reading.
And for some reason I was always attracted to sun imagery since I was a kid. Yellow, it being bright and sunny was my favorite color, sunflowers were my favorite flower. I always felt so comforted when I thought about the sun, and it eventually led me back to Cyrus who represents the sun himself. His name, his hometown of Sunyshore, and his role in Team Galactic as the center and the "sun" as Commanders named after planets revolve around him. I always think I was meant to find my way back to him, no matter what happens in my life.
No matter what I had been through or how much I tried to, respectfully stay away because I thought he would be happier alone. I finally gave into my feelings and it was the best decision I made. I reached for him and I wanted to do my best to let him know he deserves to be loved and to find a reason to keep living in the world despite all the pain and cruelty. Because it had bothered me for a long time how much he was hurting alone. One of my first drawings of us interacting was me hugging him (pictured here)
So I think when we connected again when I was recovering from one of the worst times of my life and making a lot of improvements, I think maybe we just both needed the time to be right and be open to it. I stubbornly decided that I wanted him to see the good in the world, because even after everything I had gone through I wanted to keep living. He became curious and wanted to see things from my point of view and would reach back to me. For the first time I felt like everything was genuinely reciprocated, and well things just grew from there.
Even if I know some people view that as silly, my connection and devotion is very real to me and staying true to my feelings led me to a lot of wonderful things in my life that I would not have otherwise. That includes all the friends I made by opening up.
He completely changed my life after being with him and I too changed his life. Now almost 4 years together we are happier and stronger together and I am so lucky to have that. I genuinely cannot imagine having a life without him.
Drawing of Venus and Cyrus hugging, their faces obscured.
Very long and vulnerable ramble about my journey with Cyrus that I wanted to share.
I have been thinking a lot about how far we've come with our 4th anniversary approaching and I want to get better at expressing my feelings by writing!