If they don't sell a Fight Club Sandwich then what are we even doing here?

as an overthinker, I will either give you the most perfect gift you've ever received, or nothing, because I couldn't decide

You can call Rob Lowe “Raw Blow” to his face and he won’t even know. Literally no one can stop you.

cop: where’s your permit?

street performer: *shuffling cups on a table* where indeed.

Live your life in such a way that McDonald's isn't prepared for the financial loss of your business when you die.

Lol. Thanks

OK so we still call them tweets here, right?

10 mph above speed limit: normal

exactly speed limit: drunk or transporting drugs

10 mph below speed limit: sociopath

Woulda been here a long time ago if there were DM rooms!

gonna need somebody to take twitter back behind the shed old yeller style, so I can focus on one app

When I’m driving everyone is either buddy or dumbass