i will watch the Tron fencing

Celebrate our historic victory by seizing control of an Onion membership and InfoWars tote. Become A Member. Get The Paper. Plus A Tote.

Celebrate our historic victory by seizing control of an Onion membership and InfoWars tote. membership.theonion.com/iw/

Sickos Committee sticker near a barricaded street

A sign that says "This is a lot of work for a free banana"

Sick O'Malley reporting live from Heartbreak Hill at the #BostonMarathon

We need some sort of voting drive where the objective is to cancel out the terrible votes of American hockey players. That way we can root for them with a clear conscience. Like carbon credits, but for idiot athletes.

I think the English table took more abuse than the Spanish table this weekend. We used to be a society.

This is awesome

HOMEPRUN

The fuck off is art

John Seen'em

Peacock: We're raising the annual plan by $30 :)

Me: I'll just cancel then, I think.

Peacock: Okay we'll lower it by $70

I am pay wonder if he took one once very poorly and is worried about spiking himself

I think they've shown this ad 3 times now

I appreciate this could apply to no less than 4 sporting events tonight

I did this once as well with Sandstorm. But was able to use the touchtunes app before people knew there was an app. I just sat at my table and watched the world burn.

Half the bar laughed their ass off. The other half wanted blood.

And everyone's like, "Of course you are. That ain't shit."

I'm like, "Yeah, you're absolutely right."

"Compared to birth, that ain't shit."

"But *not* compared to birth? That's some shit."

I'm aware that I'm very lucky to not get that sort of thing often, and that it's relatively tame compared to some of the horrible shit plenty of my colleagues get regularly. But also, I keep thinking of Sean Jordan's bit about telling people you're getting a vasectomy.

Hell yeah brother

Are YOU the NYT?!

If someone says to you that you can do fraud by staging bear attacks on your luxury cars for insurance payouts you are morally obligated to hit them with a frying pan upside the head.

Did not expect to see my hometown airport on Brilliant Maps.

I finally get to check out the other London in a few weeks. I hear they even have a Thames River, Covent Garden Market, and Hyde Park. Bunch of copycats over there in the UK!

McLaren crash near Casa Loma leads to 1 arrest for impaired driving: Toronto police | CBC News Toronto police said one person has been arrested for impaired driving after a supercar crashed and was stuck propped up against a wall outside Casa Loma.

And they were drunk? Colour me shocked!

www.cbc.ca/news/canada/...

Exactly one year ago today:

Yeah I also went Texas Cuck

There was 0% these chodes were making that turn in wet conditions at the speed they were going at

Monday morning, motherfucerks

The 6 on Patrick Corbin's uniform earlier today looked like it had a few too many Milwaukee brews last night. (Attn @minorleaguer.ca)

Michael Moore used to be the only person who did this, it's crazy it took this long for someone else to pick it up

This was absolutely one of those ads US Stars did in Japan where they thought there was 0 chance it would ever be seen by an American audience

halt your scroll you must post a rare hulk

I think it is preferable to have politicians who have, at some point in their lives, lived like a normal person