“So your new carol is just eight verses of you demanding figgy pudding with increasing hostility.”

“That’s right.”

“And it’s called We Wish You A Merry Christmas?”

“Yes”

“Buts it not really about Christmas is it? It’s mostly about figgy—“

“—figgy pudding yeah.”

The short answer is I forgot I did that tweet!

Debating chamomile vs. peppermint with another herbal tea enthusiast and we both keep drifting off into a peaceful slumber

God: and when you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you

Me: what about when I saw a hundred sets?

God: that’s when I turned into a big centipede

I always ask how old a dog is and I never have any idea what to do with the information

You're laughing? A piano fell on my head from a great height and now my teeth are piano keys and you're laughing?

Saddened to hear of the passing of Geeble the Men In Black worm. I worked with Geeble years ago on an ad for dog worm tablets, I was new to the industry & nervous, but he made me feel at ease with a big pot of coffee and a friendly “Zabika Za Gwatta”. I never forgot that.

my father always told me 'dreams are dangerous', i think because his father died in a pillow factory explosion.

Historian: it’s simply not accurate to portray Roman gladiators in-between fights ‘going on their phones for a bit’

Ridley Scott: how the fuck would you know

MY FIRST SUBSTACK PLS SHARE IF U LIKE IT ETC

-bz

open.substack.com/pub/zafarcak...

We Ranked Liquids By How Bad a Day You’d Have If They Leaked Through Your Bag

One of the first things you learn in screenwriting is if a character moves from a small town to the big city, you must have them step into the road and almost get hit by a loud, honking car

When I was a kid, I told my class I dreamed of being an actor. A bully laughed at me and told me I was too ugly.
Today, after years of hard work, roadblocks and struggle, I finally managed to hit that bully with my car.
Don’t give up x

I wear an ornate locket around my neck, and sometimes I'll open it up and stare at a picture of an older, different locket I used to have.