FWIW, none of these beliefs are unique to Americans.

If Clavicular does not die before 30 he will become the President. Pull this post up when it happens.

A lil bit a Peppa Pig in my life
A lil bit a Piglet by my side
A lil bit a Wilbur is all I need
A lil bit a Babe is what I see
A lil bit a Miss Piggy in the sun
A lil bit a Pumbaa all night long
A lil bit a Porky Pig here I am
A lil bit a u makes me ur man
Feral Hogs Number 30-50

My friends and I play a game where we put on masks and brandish baseball bats whenever we see a pickup truck drive into down from the rural district so the conservatives don’t find the really good donut place.

I think he’ll either be dead by 30 or become president of the United States

My H&R Block tax professional used an AI tool to look up a simple question and it didn’t know the answer. My taxes were rejected three times. I paid $375 for this service.

We already had a social credit system it was perfect it was called Neopoints

The 2032 Olympics will require all female athletes to send a picture of their genitals to a panel of male podcasters to determine eligibility

I joined Bluesky because I thought I needed more miserable wretches in my life

im working on becoming more impatient so i can lose some wait

Hey homie, delete this.

I want to die doing what I love: taking photos giving the finger while standing behind “danger: do not enter” signs

I’ve had a USMC sticker on my car for three years and regularly cut through the shopping mall Blues-Brothers style to avoid traffic. The police applaud my bravery.

I am a proud alumnus of a school that takes a lot of shit but is always on the right side of history

Jukebox Gyro

My teenage obsession with Limp Bizkit is written in fist-sized holes all over my dad’s house.

Me: babe can you turn the heat up?

Wife: why?

Me: *whipping out a steaming stock pot* because it’s CHILI IN HERE!

Wife: you’re eating in the garage.

guitar gyro

Your malign milkshakes cannot lure me to your black sabbat, witch. I am lactose intolerant and immune to your geas.

If you watch the new Harry Potter show, you’re cancelled immediately. You may, however, listen to the companion podcast if you can prove that you’ve been to at least two “No Kings” protests.

Huffelpuff22222: are there any poop wizards at hogwar

Jk Rowling: yes his name is Giuseppe Doo Doo

Only Gryffindors can rebel against an Islamic regime, but it takes a Hufflepuff to close the Strait of Hormuz

Really glad to see Big Nick, the President of Country Music and official Brand Ambassador of Spirit Halloween, has finally come full circle on this one.

They’ve been lying to you your whole life, eating yellow snow lets you read minds

Three times now a customer at my work has mentioned how excited they are to “bike” in the warm weather and I excitedly assumed they meant bicycles.

Ah yes, the class bully to shitposter to podcaster to cabinet official to author to nonprofit board pipeline

The weather in my hometown is so crazy, lol. Sometimes it’s cold in Spring.

I missed the birth of my son because I was correcting someone’s grammar in my replies but these are the sacrifices you have to make for society as an opinion-haver

It’s a great day to stand in a parking lot during your lunch break

I think whether or not consuming art is a personal endorsement of the artist is the wrong question. The question is whether consuming the art materially hurts people, the answer to which is a big YES in the case of Harry Potter.