Stonewall Mark the Second is a real "died at Pucketts charge" ass name

i ised to be able to get off to "800pcm no pets" now i can't come unless I'm banned from my own bathroom between 11pm and 7am

it was fun! jack whitehall not nearly as annoying as you'd imagine. thematically a bit all over the place tho should have leaned in a bit more to the absurdist humour and tim burton esque aesthetics they flirted with

ANCIENT GREEK PRO WRESTLING PROMOTER: ok so you're going to be what's known as a "heel"
ACHILLES: fuck you

bloc party silent alarm and so forth anyway continue

watched The Burbs and i was absolutely not ready to accet that Hey Ya is now a period establishing song

sancho panza? i barely even know zer

hold down both sides of the pussy simultaneously to take a screenshot

these things!

they should have called themselves GOLLUM because they're obsessed with what i've got in my pockets and can't stop saying stupid shit out loud where everyone can hear them

exactly! yet who amongst us has not felt the forbidden allure of licking a ridged mixer switch

you ever push in the play button on a Walkman just far enough so you can feel the relay but it doesn't engage, then let it rock back out again

a pussy is not a touchscreen!

I am only half joking when i say the removal of tactile input devices from devices has made people worse at sex

this is very inspiring but could you maybe name a candidate for my constituency or idk even put up a website

A drawing of the artist walking around with a silly smile, while a carabiner holding keys, connected to her pants, is making loud CLINK CLANK CLONK sound. Above her is a thought bubble with a robot bearing the caption "Lesbotron 3000", also making loud CLINK CLANK CLONK sounds.

happy lesbian week

A 10oz/295ml bottle of Tropicana Orange Juice, 100% Juice, there's only oranges on the label on a blue background.

The new 10oz/295ml bottle featuring an orange with apples and pears. It's still labeled Tropicana 100% Juice, but now it reads Orange Blend. The ingredients include pear juice, apple juice, lemon juice, flavorings, and gellan gum, a stabilizer.

Another example of the Florida Orange collapse

I used to buy these little blue bottles of OJ after drinking for B Vitamins and hydration and to my surprise I can't find them anymore at stores near me.

It's all "Orange Blend", Apple, Pear, Lemon juice and gum to hold it together

what a coincidence my pocket is full of yoghurt

what the hell did you just say about my mother

me turning my piss into gold and my gold into piss

yessssss

i once missed my stop on a train and it still makes me wake up in a cold sweat

i want him to somehow manage to resign while they're happening

"our highly stable system will return one of these parties with the sort of parliamentary majority that would make a ba'athist drool. No we don't know which one it'll be"

yeah that's what I'd have gone with as well lol

what did she say no one's reporting on it

I'd be inthree women but i gotta keep one hand free for posting

yeah I'm "into" women, your mom and your girlfriend heyooo

we should find this Frank Lee Staggering and arrest him

YES they're all me girlfriends YES they all smoke weed