Happy St. Patrick's Day, New York.

george jetson is a gen alpha

the country sign holders’ fits are giving lizzie mcguire movie fashion montage igloo dress

“Hey team we know mergers can be scary but let’s make sure we’re staying on top of our client deliverables these next few weeks!”

and fuck debra messing while we’re here!!!!!!!!!

i'll tell you what, i'm enjoying this night of making my haters my waiters at the table of success

THE NAME’S MAMDANI

HUGE day for ex coworkers exposing themselves as fully fucking racist on the timeline

Andrew, we're voting you off the island and back to the suburbs.

Our new ad just aired during Survivor.

tiktok night on dancing with the stars is great and all and i love to see charli d’amelio, but i’m really wondering: where’s dixie??? everyone should be asking where dixie is!!!

the NBA Finals being on at the same time as The Tonys is actually just the plot of High School Musical

i worked with this teacher about a decade ago at a summer camp in florida. she was a kind and wonderful person who clearly cared about every child— obviously still true today.

ashamed of my hometown and my high school for this. florida do fucking better challenge!!

posting generative AI imagery on a brand account is bad, even if it’s an april fool’s day joke

get me to god's country

experienced lorazepam today bc my doctor prescribed it for my IUD insertion anxiety

sending 3 ghosts to visit my dad bc he turned off Little Women (2019) for a random basketball game

clocking OUT

nyc been making me go
wowwww nyc this week

my whole thanksgiving is actually gossip girl ref this year (at a friend’s place on the upper east side)

opened up a dating app in my hometown

watching the gossip girl thanksgiving watcha say scene like it’s a concert

i’m taking the lyrics to cheeseburger in paradise and really holding space with that

just had maybe the best tuna hand roll of my life at LaGuardia airport i need to do some soul searching

ugly but delicious bowls of slop are the backbone of society

just included my first ever bluesky screenshot in a deck

upset that the phrase “that kid’s kinda rizzler coded” just entered my brain when i saw a child walk into a bar

The Onion Buys Alex Jones’s Infowars Out of Bankruptcy The satirical news site planned to turn Infowars into a parody of itself, mocking “weird internet personalities” who peddle conspiracy theories and health supplements.

Hi everyone.

The Onion, with the help of the Sandy Hook families, has purchased InfoWars.

We are planning on making it a very funny, very stupid website.

We have retained the services of some Onion and Clickhole Hall of Famers to pull this off.

I can't wait to show you what we have cooked up.

the onion buying infowars with the help of the sandy hook families is the exact level of pettiness i wish to see in the world