// I'd love for you to cream me up, Windy 🥳

"Oh, so now fucking Spider-Man, the world's most overrated hero only good for the funny memes is going to lecture me on what's REALISTIC! Yeah? Did Stan Lee tell you to say that?? Well, y'know what? He's DEAD!"

"AND SO ARE MY DREAMS OF GETTING PREGNANT, DICKHOLE!"

// I would love to, Windy 🙂‍↕️

// I only say wonderful things

"I need an alien to put its babies in me!!"

“If only a hot, sexy alien would give me their alien fetuses too.” ✋😔

"How is a burrito going to help me experience the joys of motherhood?"

"Also why the fuck does Spider-Man get to be real but my dreams of an evil alien lifeforce coming to insert its parasitic babies into me as a perfect, chosen host too much?"

SIGHS.

"When is an alien going to impregnate ME?"

My long lost brother. I knew my mom was a loose legged harlot! It never was dad afterall.

It's okay, you're home now.

We could be brothers.......

It's German.

Is your name also Hugh Janus?

People asking me my government name— snrrk! Yeah, OK!

This isn't my first time at the rodeo, because I've never even been to the rodeo. You can't trick me, I know the secrets. And they're mean to the bulls.

I'll have you know Hugh is a family name passed down from my great grandfather.

Why do you need to write my name down??

See, you are interrogating me. What are you the cops? I know my rights.

Uh, they were invented in 1985, so actually I was SIX! Bam. You're bad at math and I'm better.

But since your idea of fun sucks balls that's soooo not surprising. As for my name - It's Hugh. Hugh Ganus.

What are you interrogating me now???

Can't a guy just live and breathe without being kidnapped to Kalamazoo???

Maybe I do secret stuff. Maybe I invented the toaster strudel. And my wealth is as risk of being used without my consent.

. . .

Stuff.

Going through his phone, scrolling through every unanswered call & unread text.

"C'mon, dude. This is so unlike you...You at least open them so I know you read them and just can't formulate a cool enough reply." Adrian muttered to himself.

"Where are you, Peacemaker--"

Uh, yeah? Why do I need to travel the world??

I have all my stuff right here? Packing it would be SO annoying and besides no one's gonna do my job if I leave and play keychain.

That's not even remotely fun. Dave and Busters especially??? No one goes there anymore, it's like the hangout for old white dudes to try and feel something again.

I'm playing Nintendo in my room and waiting for the bestie to answer all 92 of my calls. 93 later. And 95 before I go to bed.

Yeah?? Name ONE fun place because I'm having some serious doubts on your idea of fun here given it involves me chained to a little purse.

"Mmm...I'm not really convinced."

// 🤤

"That's like so fucked up to admit? Where do you even find it in your heart of hearts to be that cruel???"

// Spooky's middle age dad music...

I could just envision the bud light and grease coated hands after fixing up their car.

"Well, maybe you should have made the rules more clear because I heard the first thing that comes to mind when I look at you. Which didn't specify about you."

"And maybe, man, I just have brussel sprouts on the mind."