Sec. Hegseth: "It's Just Gay" To Require Our Warriors To Wash Hands After Using The Bathroom

The Twins' admin did not hold back after handing the Mets their 12th straight loss 🤣

Never stop talking about the #EpsteinFiles. Never.

Imagine seeing a Grimace hit by a car on the side of the road. For us it’s the stuff of nightmares but for motorists in McDonaldLand it is the grim reality of everyday life

The GOP entered this redistricting under the rather childish delusion they were going to gerrymander, and nobody would gerrymander them. In TX, MO, and a half dozen other states, they put their rather naive theory into operation. They sowed the wind, and now they are going to reap the whirlwind

The message of the Right reacting to Virginia is the same as the message of "2020 was rigged": no victory by anyone but us is ever legitimate. We are the only ones allowed to win.

These people are cartoon villains entitled to no respect and no trust. Rabid dogs.

still not over how we have confirmed proof via leaked documents that the SCOTUS shadow docket is a complete farce where the FedSoc justices get to unleash their unbridled political opinions and remake the American legal & economic system however they & their rich friends like

The implicit media consensus is that urban voters should not be able to overrule rural voters, but that rural voters should be able to overrule urban voters, an assumption so axiomatic and unquestionable that nobody even understands they're making it.

A mass shooting that took the lives of eight children should stop this country in its tracks. Instead, the Shreveport tragedy disappeared from the headlines in a day. We cannot allow this level of violence to fade into background noise. Ending America’s gun‑violence epidemic is a moral oblligation.

The Dodgers & Giants head-to-head all-time in the regular season is tied, 1,288 wins each (with 19 ties, h/t @EliasSports)
 
When the Dodgers led, 1,288 to 1,287, last year, it was the first time they led the all-time head-to-head since after a game on Aug 8, 1896, when they led 49-48

I didn't think it was clear at all

You can rest easy knowing that if it weren't for The West the Mets would only have 3 wins this season.

There’s no crying in baseball!!!! 😭

And universal healthcare! That trip to the ER cost me $1800 and I had insurance!

People are like "wow this really drives home what being a Mets fan is like" and idk falling apart in mid-April seems way more merciful than what usually happens with the Mets

The Mets have a payroll of $375M and their best player (MJ Melendez) is making $1.5M.

Capturing Bryce Harper's sadness is my #1 hobby

All I really know for sure is that prior to Thanksgiving dinner I had never had a back pain and immediately after Thanksgiving dinner I had to go lie down to watch football because my back was killing me. I just thought it was normal You Stuffed Yourself back pain.

It's a massive mystery to me too. I know I wasn't really paying too much attention to my posture while I was demolishing plate after plate and hissing like a rabid racoon at anyone who got too close.

My boss did not believe me.

A few years ago I pulled a big muscle in my back eating too hard at Thanksgiving. Missed 2 weeks at work because I couldn't stand or sit or walk. Ended up in the ER cause I pulled all my ab muscles trying to compensate for the back. Drs thot I had a burst appendix, but no, just went too hard on ham.

Yawned wrong last week, tweaked something in my neck, had to take three ibuprofen every four hours for three days straight just to do my desk job.

‘Sometimes Things Have To Get Worse Before They Get Better,’ Says Man Who Accidentally Turned Shower Knob Wrong Way

‘Sometimes Things Have To Get Worse Before They Get Better,’ Says Man Who Accidentally Turned Shower Knob Wrong Way theonion.com/sometimes-things-have-to...

The Stephen Miller bump

Was watching Phillies TikTok because it's funny to watch them be so upset but now my algorithm is just all republicans

Actually, Atlas was condemned to carry the sky on his back. (The image of him with the planet came later.) And that was his punishment for losing a war. This guy should try the internet.

You didn't fall short, the republicans did. They blame us for everything and they have all the power! I need us to come out swinging.

Mamdani: If the NYC apartment you keep solely for bi-yearly affairs with your mistress costs over 5 million dollars, you gotta pay more tax

NYPD officer who’s been on disability since 2006 because he stomped too hard on a lady during an arrest and fucked up his ankle: This is a travesty

[picture of a bearded cis het white guy leaning against the wall of a brewery] some people have said I’m too “controversial” to own several Steely Dan records on vinyl,