Increased to two billion dollars when it's RIGHT OUTSIDE MY FRONT DOOR

@ Zohran I have an idea for a new law: it's fining people one billion dollars each time they don't pick up their dog's shit

It's so funny that she made being a brat an explicit core part of her artistic persona but people still melt down when she says anything mildly provocative or contrarian

Why do u have an admin assistant to help with scheduling if u ALSO have a private personal calendar she can't access?? How is that supposed to work❓❓

Hi Nick 😇

I meant to respond to you sooner, but, well,

Lol my sister's non-gamer partner decided to take her BOTW file for a spin and asked "alright so how many acorns do you need me to collect?" as if that was self-evidently the goal of the game

Not sure what I thought the going rate for a Jell-O Abomination would be exactly but wow that is such a reasonable price, how could I not!

My neighbor's cooking makes the whole building smell amazing but this never happens when I cook and ngl I'm a little insecure about getting #aromamogged

Shirtless selfie of me with one arm raised over my head, like always

Would anyone like to join me in some good old-fashioned procrastinating? It feels amazing, I promise

Yeah I definitely agree, I'm ambivalent!! It rankles to get punished for being too good at the game, but I understand the need for a slow down mechanic and I'm not sure what would feel better as a player

Tbh it's mostly me trying to justify staying in bed longer than I should by saying I'm doing something productive! Highly recommend!

This is secondhand but some friends of mine took their landlord to small claims court and had such a fab time that the judge ended up officiating their wedding

Love setting aside time on a weekend morning to catch up on correspondence (respond to texts) and feeling like the second Mrs. de Winter

How do u feel about people who just found out her name isn’t PuNkin. Hypothetically

I like it a lot thanks for sharing!!

That's why they make chocolate and vanilla, as my grandmother always used to say

Guy on Grindr "looking for unreciprocated head you host and also I WILL be smoking cigs" like OK best of luck with that one brother

👯‍♂️

Tweet from Sarah J, @Trisarahjtops: "Just because I choose not to drink doesn't automatically make me no fun. That is a separate choice, which I've also made."

Me

Totally, rather than wasting time on trying to appease people who aren't coming to the table in good faith anyway!

In other words, these babies are gonna freak out about ANYTHING we propose, so we might as well give them something worth crying about idk idk

Kinda feel like the histrionics over a 1% tax on second homes worth $5mil+ is similar, in that it reveals opposition is purely ideological rather than practical and a "common ground" policy is therefore impossible

Old Justin Bieber tweet: "i love arm"

So many guys out and about in slutty little tops yayyy

Truly!! Her self-awareness and self-actualization are aspirational

Walked past a crowded patio happy hour where someone at a table with friends was applying deodorant, just like arm fully in the air. And for that I salute her

Unfortunately I cannot due to A. HIPAA (my office also houses our patient charts) and B. Deeply unflattering fluorescent lighting but, in a shocking turn of events, it's yet another blue and white striped shirt

Bean Bunny the Muppet in a vaguely Dickensian costume for “A Muppets Christmas Carol”

Wore a new shirt today and two coworkers told me they like it :)

No matter how many times I've seen this gif/clip, her look of surprise at the end always gets me

A bit on the nose, symbolically speaking