we were meant to make visual art and many sounds

venturing’s influence on me… ml buch’s influence on me…

i just bought my first electric guitar after years of bumming off rentals, a banjo in high school, and my brothers guitars

it’s time to commit… to riffing…

thank god for friends that love me and see me for who i am

i told my best friend about it and she basically said the same thing that my friend who delivered the news to me told me.

this is all internal btw... outwardly to her, i was very cautious and careful and considerate. but i still feel a certain responsibility to my thoughts and feelings.

i was a bit snarky before about finding a love beyond what i could've imagined... but when faced with the hurt of someone i care abt as a result of me *moving on* — that snark was a reaction to the emotions i felt when i was with my ex and my ex's inability to love me the way i needed.

right now, all i can do is accept the mask she showed me.

like i wish i could reach out and give her a hug about it but i know that is something that isn't possible right now, and would cause more harm than good. maybe in a year or two i can, and she will be in a place to receive it.

doesn't change how i feel or how things happened.

but i do really care about her as a friend, hope for her to accept the love that she is surrounded with, and wish for her to meet a partner (if that is what she wants) that is able to hold her in the way i couldn't (no matter how hard i tried).

doing friend admin now that my gf is back in la <3 and i love everyone in my life <3 i love devotion <3 i love doing things for my loved ones <3 i need to see my brother + his family too <3

aaaaaand more art most of all <3

next week: i'll be locking into work, going back to the gym + beach runs (finally), going back to the studio, taking my meds on time, prioritizing celebrating my best friend and close friends, and going back on calorie deficit after... a month of being indulgent w my gf >.<

most of all, i made drinks and food for people i care about... all of which made them come back and verbalize how good it tasted <3

- many matcha lattes
- vanilla iced latte with strawberry coferment espresso
- ube pancakes with condensed milk + berries

enough about my sapphic lifestyle.

i showed art in two exhibits this week and co-designed tour merch for one of the best albums of the year... and i also did a spontaneous studio session with my friend after our other friend's show... celebrated my best friend's birthday in the cutest way <3

i learned my lesson that i'd rather never know.

unfortunately found out the answer to the question i should've never asked and it is.... probably, yes. don't ask yourself questions like this because it will invite the answer to find you when you least expect it.

gf and i realized the first time we met in-person was at an ecco2k concert five years ago while listening to ℮ in the shower together this morning

the passage of time is soooooooooooo crazy

I WASNT EVEN LOOKING FOR IT AN ANGEL JUST ARRIVED AND WITNESSED ME AND IM SO LUCKY SHES MY GF

I can’t believe I fucked around and found a love beyond what i could have ever imagined…

irish people being really bougie about their saunas and bathhouses is proof to me that we were always meant to be that way…

i am only slightly diabolical

god is good

update: both ds lites arrived 🙂‍↕️ and we’re gonna cover them in stickers in less than 48 hours ☁️👁️

i wrote this upon nearly passing out

maybe it’s a robin, a blue jay, or a barn owl

no one knows… for sure. the bird watcher doesn’t feel bothered to specify.

a bird named “website”

I love doing mundane things with my loved ones it brings me so much joy

i have already started packing i really don't wanna be here i wanna be in la... being cozy... drinking smoothies... being annoying...

yea im so sorry i've completely collapsed and i can't contain myself